He nodded. “We thought it’d go faster if we gathered a crew. That’s why I’m looking for Charley.”
“Well, you’re out of luck. She already took off on her job detail. Like most everyone else.”
Bart’s eyes narrowed as my words hit their mark.
Rives spoke up. “Bart, buddy, now would be a good time for you to remember the little heart-to-heart we had the morning after I busted you sleeping on watch. Like I said, no one’s making you stay in the City. But either you’re in or you’re out. There’s too few of us as it is. We can’t afford to pull dead weight. You hear?”
“Are you threatening to kick me out?” Bart looked incredulous.
“No.” Rives shook his head. “But you keep complaining about Search, that no one picks you. I wonder why.”
Bart stared at Rives.
“Bart,” I said, drawing his eyes, “taro.” I pointed toward the fields. “Find a crew or not. I thought Sy and Raj were helping you anyway. For all you know, they’re already in the fields working, waiting on you.”
Bart’s face looked pinched. “You love being Leader, don’t you, Thad? Being big man on the island, telling everyone what to do. Can’t get enough, can you?”
I sighed. “If you want the job, Bart, ask for it. But considering no one will pick you for Search, I wouldn’t count on getting the vote for Leader. And feel free to nominate someone else anytime.”
“If you say so.” Bart grinned. Then he turned away.
“What a tool,” Rives said as Bart sauntered past the firepit.
“Only not so handy,” I said.
“True. But he’s sharp enough to be dangerous,” Rives said. He was still watching Bart.
“Only when he slacks off. He’s more annoying than anything else.” Turning back to the rocks, I had no intention of wasting more mental energy on Bart than I already had.
Bart disappeared, and for me, it was out of sight, out of mind. With Charley, it was the complete reverse. The longer she was out of sight, the more I thought about her. And the more I triednotto think about her, the more she occupied my every thought. It wasonly when she returned from the groves—looking exhausted but uninjured—that I relaxed. Night had already fallen. Along with Rives and Talla, I helped Charley’s group unload packed satchels in the dark, filling baskets and shelves with fruits and nuts. They also brought back a chicken, a fresh food find. Eggs were a welcome change from fish any morning. So was Rives’s chatter, which filled the awkward gaps in the polite small talk between me and Charley. While Charley talked to Jillian, I slipped away.
I was checking the chicken pen for gaps when Talla strode up.
“Thad, who’s got Shack watch tonight?”
I’d forgotten to set it up. “Me,” I answered.
Talla crossed her arms. “You took it two nights ago. Why do you have watch again?”
“Because I can’t sleep.” I coughed up this honest answer before I thought of a better one; it was the same reason I’d taken watch the night Rory died. When I wasn’t reliving the boar attack, I was thinking of Charley, knowing she was a few A-frames away, wondering if she was lonely or, worse, scared. My head was all over the place.
Talla gave me a long look, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll relieve you at dawn.”
True to her word, as the stars faded and pink streaks split the air, Talla appeared at the Shack.
“Anything?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said, stretching. “Not a peep, not a roar. And no visitors.”
“I don’t know if that’s good or bad,” Talla said. “But you’re done. Get some sleep.”
Knowing I’d just lie there and think, I opted for exercise instead. I hit the beach, ran a series of hard interval sprints, and was bracing to go again when—like my thoughts made her real—Charley stepped onto the sand. Wearing Kevin’s shorts and a simple chestwrap, she wore her hair long and loose; it blew around her shoulders, like the first day I’d met her. I wanted to go to her, to spill my guts. But I didn’t know what might come out if I opened my mouth. Nil and Charley, both in my head, making it spin so fast I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my fears.
So I ran. Away from Charley… going for speed… going for pain. Pain and more pain, because maybe if I hurt enough, Nil would let me sleep. And not feel.
Mental pictures crashed in with the waves. Charley wearing Kevin’s clothes; Charley’s hair falling though my fingers; Charley’s hip against mine; Charley’s lips inches away; Charley’s hand covered with blood; Charley with Rives by the fire; Charley’s name on the Wall.
It’s too late, Nil sang over the surf.
