“What do you mean, you’re done? Youdie?How?” I’d always been a stickler for details, and these seemed pretty darn important.
“I’m not really sure. I’ve never been with anyone on their last day, and most people Search alone at that point. Then we either find their clothes or their body.” Thad looked sick. “That’s why I asked you about the days, because it’s important to keep count.”
“Tick-tock,” I said, doing some quick mental math.
“You okay?” Thad’s eyes searched mine.
“Peachy. Eighteen is overrated.”
“Don’t tell me you’re giving up.” He sounded shocked.
“I was kidding. I’ve still got three hundred fifty-two days.” I looked at Thad. “What about you? How many do you have left?”
Thad’s grin was wry. “Eighty-six. But who’s counting?”
Me. Em-bleeding-behind-the-wheel fear shot through me. I couldn’t imagine Nil without Thad, but it was more than that. It was something deeper, something raw, something that I didn’t expect or understand, something I justfelt.
Me.
CHAPTER
17
THAD
DAY 279, AFTER NOON
I’d swear she said, “Me.”
Maybe I’d read her lips, or maybe it was what I wanted to hear. When I’d told her the truth, horror flickered through her golden eyes—and something inside me let go. Not broke, but gave in. Made mewant.
To fight.
To stay.
To be with Charley, a girl I didn’t know but wanted to—more than I’d wanted anything in months. For the first time since my feet hit Nil dirt, there was something I wanted more than leaving: time. Time without limits, time to get to know the girl who made me feel alive again. And in that moment, I hated Nil all over again, because she’d given me something she could snatch away, or worse, keep for herself.
I swallowed, fighting the rush of emotion, then a surge of guilt. I hated that I’d deceived Charley. Maybe not outright lied, but certainly hadn’t told her the full truth from the get-go. It was a total Bart move.
“I’m sorry, Charley.” I felt like a slimeball.
“Did you just say sorry, Charley?” A smile lit her face, like she was happy to not be talking about death anymore. “Like I’ve never heard that one before. What are you sorry for?”
“For not telling you sooner. I didn’t because once you know, you start watching the days, and you never stop, but it’s no excuse. I should have told you this morning.” I scanned her face, trying to figure out where I stood.
For a minute, she looked far away. Then she smiled at me, her eyes warm and clear. “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t. Hey, still up for that walk?”
Looking at Charley, her chin slightly raised, looking more gorgeous and full of quiet fight than any girl I’d ever met, I grinned. “Not anymore. Rain check?”
She looked taken aback. But more than anything, she looked tired.
I chuckled. “You look beat. I don’t think a long beach walk is what you need right this second. I might have to carry you back.”
She glared at me. “No one asked you to carry me.”
“True. And hey, I’d do it again. But there’s something I want you to see.” Something to counter the ugliness of Nil, something I had a hunch Charley would love.
We cut through the City, then through the trees.
