She just didn’t wake up.
Bart. I wanted to beat the coward into the ground, make him pay for Talla’s death. But he hadn’t come back. Maybe the traitor was too afraid to show his face, no balls to own up to what he’d done. Maybe he’d caught a gate. Maybe something had caught him.
I couldn’t help thinking that if he hadn’t bailed on Miguel, Talla might be alive. Miguel might never have been hurt, and Heesham would’ve been free to help Talla. A dozen other choices, a dozen other outcomes. But like Charley said weeks ago, the what-if game went nowhere.
I was so sick of the games. Nil’s games, head games.
Dead games.
“Ready?” Charley asked.
“No,” I said, taking her hand and walking anyway.
The burial ground sat at the edge of the Flower Field. We trekked as a silent group, all dressed in matching dingy white funeral wear. Our mourning clothes were our morning clothes, and our afternoonclothes and our night clothes. There was no getting away from them, unless Nil tossed a little luck and a gate your way.
Talla’s luck had run out.
Dressed in burial white, she rested in Rives’s arms, her eyes closed forever. Rives looked both stormy and empty, like he’d lost something he’d just found. Next to Rives, Johan’s head was bowed in prayer.
Once we were gathered, Rives nodded to Jillian, who was already crying. She placed a lei of flowers around Talla’s neck. “Sleep well, my friend,” she whispered. “I’ll miss you.”
As Jillian stepped away, Rives kissed Talla’s forehead, then looked up at Johan, tears streaming down his face. Seeing Rives’s pain, I nearly lost it myself.
Johan’s deep voice drifted over the group. “Heavenly Father, we gather to honor Talla, and in our hour of need, we call on your words.The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…”
Rives gently laid Talla in her grave. Heesham, Jason, and I began covering her with dirt, and as the black Nil ground swallowed Talla forever, pictures of past funerals flickered through my brain.
Today’s burial was so much worse.
“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures…”
Wrong!my gut screamed. Talla’s death was wrong—out of order. She should have said good-bye to me, not the other way around. But with nine months left on the clock, Talla was gone, claimed by Nil forever.
The grave was level, a raw island wound. Quan had carved a sleek wooden cross as a marker. It made me thankful Quan had chosen to stay. But it was Rives who placed the cross on Talla’s grave.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me…”
The shadow of death. It loomed larger than ever. I held Charley’shand, holding tight to the goodness in my world—the goodness that had nothing to do with Nil’s shadow and everything to do with Charley. Because Nil was evil. Fate had brought Charley here, but it was Nil who would rip her away.
I watched Rives fall to his knees and sink into the fresh dirt at the edge of Talla’s grave. As he bowed his head, my blood went cold.Will Charley have to bury me? Please, God, no. And I prayed I wouldn’t have to bury her. I didn’t think I could survive it.
I prayed that I’d make it.
And that she’d make it.
And that somehow we’d live happily ever after on the other side.
But fairy tales were for little girls in polyester princess getups, not for seventeen-year-old boys daring to hope. And Nil was no fairy godmother, that was for damn sure. Still, I hoped, because I had to.
I tuned back just in time for Johan’sAmen.
“Amen,” Charley murmured. Her “A” sounded strong, like she sent her prayers up with a little extra power. Beside me, Jillian sobbed quietly. Rives stayed on his knees.
Charley dropped my hand. “Be right back,” she whispered. She walked up to Rives and touched his shoulder. “Come,” she said softly. “I’m not your twin, or your Talla, but I hate to see you hurting. We miss her, too.”
Rives looked at Charley, his eyes shockingly empty. “I’d just figured out who she was. It was like we always played each other, you know? But she’d finally let me in. I knew her, Charley. Talla was my girl. I can’t believe that’s her.” He pointed to the fresh grave.
“It’s not,” Charley said, kneeling. “She’s here”—Charley touched Rives’s chest, then his forehead—“and here. And you’re still with us. Take a minute, say your good-byes. Then come with us, okay?”
