Arabella inhaled sharply.
“I missed you every moment, from the mornings I woke up and you were not there, to the nights I slept alone without you. Every single moment apart was unbearable to me. I was a fool because it took that pain to realize how much…”
He hesitated for one moment. Never in his life had he ever expressed emotion other than annoyance or, at best, amusement. And here he was, totally out of control, ready to rip out his heart from his chest and place it, still beating, at the feet of the only person who had made him feel something.
He was scared. All Arabella had to do to end his life was just step on that heart, and she wouldn’t even be cruel. He would never be mad at her. It was exactly what he deserved. What he was asking, no, what he was begging for, was for Arabella to forgive him and perhaps give him a second chance.
“I was a fool because,” he said firmly, “because it took for me to lose you to realize how much I love you.”
Arabella staggered back. Her hand went to her chest, and she shook her head as if she was trying to wake up from a dream.
“I love you, Arabella.”
It was so easy for him to say that now. After that first dam broke, the river of emotion just flowed from him freely, happily.
“You have no idea how much I love you,” he chuckled.
Saying it out loud finally made him feel good and real and alive. He was not living until he met Arabella. He was merely going through the motions a live person would go through. But after her, he laughed and tasted and desired.
He took one step closer to her, almost touching her. Arabella was still looking at him in shock and confusion. Very slowly, softly, he reached for her clenched hands. He looked at where he was touching her and then back into her eyes.
He was so close that he could see the golden sparks in the vast blue of her eyes, as if stars on a pale night sky. He could see her pulse beating at the base of her neck. He could smell her fragrance, that pure light that was only hers.
“I love you,” he said one final time, looking down into her eyes.
Painfully slow, he sees that cold mask she had donned slip from her face. The icy blue in her eyes grew warmer, like a summer sky. Her cheeks flushed, and her breath came out in soft huffs.
“Gerald?” she questioned one more time.
It was enough for him. She called him by his name, dropping all pretense, all coldness, and asking him directly for confirmation. He would live out his days to make sure that Arabella never questions how much he loves her.
One last step, and he is now so close that his body starts humming, because it wasn’t just his soul that missed her; his whole being was beating for her. He was happy that he had dropped propriety and that he did not wear his gloves, because he really wanted to touch her now, even lightly.
He raised his hand, and his fingers caressed her face slowly, deliberately, just to feel her warmth. Arabella’s eyes fluttered at the connection, and he was encouraged for more. He let his fingers play with a stray strand of her hair, placing the curl behind her ear.
“I am here, Arabella. I simply cannot let you go, not without you knowing exactly how I feel.”
She looked up at him with an incredulous look in her eyes, as if she was still questioning the sincerity of his words.
“I know,” he said, and he gently held her by her arms. “I know I’m not much. The only thing I have is money, and I pretty much lack everything else. I am cold and distant. My family is, to say the least, appalling. My reputation is frightening and discouraging.”
He stopped and looked down, realizing that what he was really trying to do was trap a radiant soul like her around his darkness. But he was greedy.
“I know I don’t deserve you, Arabella, but I can’t live without you. I simply can’t.”
Arabella tilted her head, studying him. Somehow, he knew that this was a monumental moment in his life. So, he stood still, looking at her, filled with hope and dread in the same measure.
“You..?” she started.
“I love you,” he said, and he would say it a hundred times more if he needed to.
“You love me,” Arabella repeated.
One hand left her arm and went up to cup her face. He was very careful; the moment was so fragile, but he couldn’t bear not touching her, not feeling her skin against his, even this little, even this much.
“I do. I love you. And I was a fool to let you go. Please, forgive me.”
It must have been for just a few seconds, but to Gerald it felt like a lifetime. They stayed there looking at each other, neither of them moving. It was as if the world had paused.
