“I got a job at the post office. It’s got good benefits and stable hours.”
“What? That’s great, Scott. Congratulations.”
“Not so fast. It’s in Ventura. I start next month.”
Her enthusiasm waned. “Ventura’s not exactly down the street.”
“I’m aware. It’s about an hour’s drive, maybe more, depending on traffic,” I said. “It’s going to be a challenge, I know.”
“Not just a challenge,” she said, her jaw tightening. “You’regoing to move away from Mitchell. It’s not just about Keith and Emma.Ourson needs his father, too.”
“I get that. But we’ve got to figure out a way to make it work.” I met her gaze squarely this time, emotion catching in my throat. “April, if we don’t… I’m going to lose them.”
She didn’t answer right away, her expression shifting as she considered my words. “What about us…” April caught herself. “I mean, Mitchell?”
“I’ll do whatever it takes. He’s my boy. You know how much I love him. But I gotta do this.” I met her eye. “She’s got my heart, April. Always has. And if she’s gone… I don’t even know who I’ll be without her. Definitely not the kind of man MGM can be proud of.”
Her eyes misted, emotions hitting her in a fast, unsteady rush. I held my breath, waiting for the verdict. Waiting for her to tell me I was a selfish bastard, that I was abandoning one son for two other children who weren't even hers.
Finally, she let out a long, shaky breath, her gaze dropping to the list of rental properties on the table between us. When she looked up again, the anger was gone, replaced by a devastating sort of resignation, a deep, soul-aching sadness that made my own heart clench.
“You’d really fall apart without her, wouldn’t you?” she asked, her hand gesturing to me. “Look at you. And she’s only been gone a couple of days.”
I nodded. “I’m barely clinging to life over here.”
We sat there staring at each other, reflecting on the change ahead.
“Fine,” she said, her voice gaining a sliver of its usual strength. “Fine. You go to Ventura. You get your job and your house, and you fight for your family.” She tapped a perfectly manicured nail on the paper. “And I will help you.”
Relief washed over me. “April…”
She held up a hand, cutting me off. “Don’t. Don’t thank me. I’m not doing this for her.” Her eyes held mine, raw and honest. “I’m doing this because Mitchell deserves a father who is whole. And if she’s the one who’s holding you together… then I can’t be the one to tear you apart.”
The unspoken words hung in the air between us, heavy and suffocating.I’m doing this because I love you.It was a truth we’d danced around for years, a ghost that haunted the edges of our co-parenting. Even after she got engaged to Tony, that invisible tie lingered. She’d never admit it, but I think part of her still wanted the version of us that had never actually existed.
“We’ll figure out a schedule,” she continued, all business now, as if erecting a wall around her own heart. “Weekends. Holidays. I’ll drive him up halfway if I have to. We can do this.”
“Thank you. Really, April. Thank you,” I said.
She stood, grabbing her purse from the back of the chair. “So tomorrow, then? Come over to my place after work.”
“Yeah, about that. Do you think I could borrow your old Accord in the driveway?”
“Why? What happened to your truck?”
I shook my head, the sting of it still fresh in my mind.
“I got Caddyshacked.”
27
MICHELLE: WAITING TO EXHALE
An unseasonable storm chose today—after months of drought—to drench the streets. Rain tapped the windshield as the wipers kept a slow, hypnotic beat. Melanie’s hands were tight on the wheel, her knuckles pale and her eyes fixed straight ahead. I could feel the tension, the questions she wanted to ask but wouldn’t, not when I was already hanging by a thread. I turned toward the window, resting a hand on my stomach. I wasn’t showing yet, didn’t even feel pregnant, but I still felt the weight of what I was about to do. It wasn’t a choice made in haste. It was a choice made in fear and logic, in that narrow space between survival and guilt, where every door feels locked and you’re just trying to breathe.
I’d left Keith and Emma with Rosie, the same nanny who’d watched them when I’d met with Graham. Even though they were with me most of the time at the hotel, I still felt a distance growing between us. Money did that—created space where there shouldn’t be any. And if I chose to return to my family, I wondered how long it would take before someone else became the one raising my kids while I slept through the night.
The car slowed at a red light. Melanie glanced over. “It’sgoing to be fine, Michelle. Once it’s over, you can really start fresh.”
