Something in the way he asked the question gave me pause. Why was he so conflicted? Kyle had been in Jake’s room not long before me. Had he seen something? It occurred to me then that maybe this had nothing to do with the kitten. Maybe Kyle had been the first one to jar Jake awake.
“No,” I said, my tone softening for him. “He couldn’t. Jake was too disoriented.”
That seemed to satisfy Kyle, and he turned his attention away from me, deep in thought. I took the welcome hiatus to get a head start on nail number four.
Keith exited Jake’s room, heading straight for me. “Grace, your turn. Keep it brief. He’s really tired.”
My siblings had all gone in to see Jake, and I was the only one left. I really didn’t want to go in. I’d already said enough. “It’s okay. I don’t need to go in.”
“No. I’m sure he wants to see you.”
Uh, I was pretty sure he didn’t. Even in best of times, Jake had never been eager to see me, and this was most definitely not the “best of times.”
Pushing off the wall, I solemnly made my way to his door, stopping only to quietly address my sister. “Come with me.”
“What?” she replied. “Why?”
“Because you know I get nervous around Jake.”
If anyone knew, it was Emma. She’d spent countless nights holding me tight when I was a little girl as Jake worked through the trauma.
“Hey, I get it,” Emma said, sweeping a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. “But you’ll be fine, Grace. I was in there before Keith. Jake’s weak. He can barely talk. Just go in, give him a kiss on the cheek, and leave.”
“Come on, Em. Come with me,” I begged. “No one cares if you do.”
“Jake’s doctor does. You heard him. One visitor at a time so we don’t overexcite him.”
Overexcite? A little too late for that, I’d say. Jake’s doctor hadn’t been there to witness me raising him from the dead.
“Go.” My sister nudged me along. “I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
Right herewasn’tin there.
Resigned, I dropped my head and walked the rest of the way alone. Was this what death row inmates felt like going to their executions? The lights were dimmed as I pushed my way in, such a contrast from the last time I’d opened the door when I’d been screaming and escaping. I couldn’t tell if he was awake or sleeping because I refused to look in his direction, opting instead to stay along the perimeter of the room, as far a distance from him as I could get.
“Grace,” his raspy voice whispered. Nearly a month on intubation was reason enough for his vocal cords to be affected, but the tube was out now, and he was doing the best he could with a raw and aching throat. That he could form words at all seemed almost like a miracle. He held his hand out for me.
I couldn’t predict my fate by the tone of his whisper, but I knew there was no point in delaying. Slowly, I walked toward his bed, careful to keep my eyes averted as I gripped the railing on his bed.
“I’m sorry… if…” Jake stopped, wrestling with the words. “If… I scared you.”
I looked up, more than a little surprised by the apology. “It’s okay. I’m sorry about the… you know.”
His brows furrowed like he had no idea what ‘you know’ meant.
“You know,” I repeated, then followed it up with a whisper, “The Reindeer Man.”
Jake was quiet for a long time, seemingly working his way through my words. I watched him, confused by his confusion. Finally, he replied. “Your imaginary friend?”
What the…? He had to be kidding me. There was no way. No way he didn’t remember our conversation. I got that he’d just woken from a coma and things were foggy, but how could he forget the very thing that had awakened him from a twenty-eight-day sleep? Unless… he’d never really heard what I said at all. Maybe it wasn’t my words that had woken him. It could have been my whispers triggering his brain to turn back on.
Who cared? He didn’t remember, and my secret would continue to stay with me. I supposed it was a good thing, yet it didn’t feel that way. For a very short period of time, I’d had an ally. Even if we never discussed it again, he knew, and I wasn’t alone.
“Yes, Jake. My imaginary reindeer friend.”
23
RORY: ON THE COUNT OF THREE
