He was a little dictator back then. Only his play choices were allowed. God forbid I suggest dress-up or Candy Land. He’d fall apart, throwing himself to the floor like a lunatic when he didn’t get his way. I learned real quick that Teletubbies was out of the flippin’ question. Being his second-in-command during this time must have made me a more compassionate person because every time he shoved a sword in my hand and made me wear an eye patch to play Captain Hook, I didn’t kill him. So, yes, I’d paid my dues and earned my spot in the line of succession.
The rest of the family regularly called on me to tame Quinn’s combustive personality. The Quinn-whisperer, they called me, but really, he was easy to manage. Quinn didn’t want solutions; he just wanted someone to listen, to be patient and understand where he was coming from. That was where my Captain Hook training came in handy. I knew just how much to poke him before he totally shut me down.
It made me sad to think that after what had happened in the arena, my Quinn whispering might not be enough. Once my brother discovered the true toll this night had taken, he might require help of a more professional nature. While he was in surgery, news began arriving of the losses. Concertgoers and stadium staff alike had gone down. But it was the identity of one specific victim that would punch the biggest hole in Quinn’s heart. It was tragically revealed that my brother was not the only member of the band felled on the stage tonight. Brandon, Sketch Monster’s drummer, was gone before his head hit the floor.
I cringed to think of what that loss would do to my brother. But I could handle it. I’d take an active role in his recovery, putting my own suffering aside to be the support he needed. It was the least I could do after he kept me from starving to death all those years ago, even though his hot dog bologna sandwiches still haunted my dreams. So yes, I could confidently claim to be number three on Quinn’s guest list.
Only to my shock and horror, I wasn’t.
It was Jess. I watched as my mother went straight to her after leaving Quinn’s room. My mouth dropped open. He’d requested her. Of course he had. What had I been thinking? Jess was his fiancée now, the new most important woman in his life. A lump formed in my throat. I wasn’t sure my heart could take the bump in numbers. She’d just replaced me at number three. Wait, no—Mom and Dad, going in to see him first, had assumed wrong. Jess was number one. Goosebumps sprouted up over my forearms as if the tiny muscles under my skin were also coming to terms with the loss.
Don’t get me wrong—I loved Jess and she was the perfect match for my thorny brother—but Quinn had always been mine. I wasn’t ready to give him up, even though I had no choice in the matter. The last thing I wanted was to hold my brother back. He’d found this beautiful, spunky woman and inherited an adorable built-in son. They were his destiny now, just as building a life with Elliott was mine. I blinked. And blinked again realizing at that moment I didn’t want Elliott at the top of my post-surgery list. But who? I manually ran the alternates through my head, and literally every member of my family came before him.
What? No. That couldn’t be right. I recalculated, but came to the same total. It was then I knew—Elliott would never be my Jess.
And the goosebumps spread.
I glanced in his direction. Elliott was way ahead of me, already smiling as if he’d been waiting for his chance to cheer me up. I left him hanging, shifting my gaze back to Jess and my mom, watching from my place of utter insignificance as they spoke and then hugged. But instead of heading straight to my brother’s hospital room, my future sister-in-law took a detour toward me. I didn’t know why I wanted to hide.
Stopping at my seat, she held out her hand. I took hold, and she pulled me to my feet. She must’ve seen the tears of acceptance welling in my eyes. Like me, she understood the impact of the moment. This was the passing of the torch. From today forward, she would replace me in the most significant moments of Quinn’s life, and I would allow it to happen because I loved him. I loved him so much that I would not hold him back no matter how much it hurt my heart.
Jess drew me into a hug and whispered, “Do you want to go first?”
“Yes,” I admitted with a shallow giggle-sob. “But it has to be you.”
She leaned out of our hug and looked me in the eyes. “I want you to be okay with that, Grace.”
Tears now slid down my cheeks. “I am. But only for you.”
She wiped my tears away, then kissed my cheek before she carried the flame into my beloved brother’s hospital room.
I’d just slipped into Quinn’s fourth position, and somehow, I’d survived.
* * *
Not long after,I pushed the door open to Quinn’s dimmed room. Machines were moving and humming, but my brother looked surprisingly strong and whole. I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but Quinn had always taken the role of hero for himself and, of course, he would claim it now.
“Hi,” I said, stopping at the foot of his bed.
He got right to the point. “I heard my fiancée made you cry.”
“Right? What’s up with that? You need to have a talk with her.”
As if it took all his resolve, Quinn smiled and opened his one good arm for me. I slunk over to him and laid my head on his chest.
“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.
“For what?”
“You know for what.”
I nodded. I’d relinquished control without a battle. If the roles were reversed, Quinn would’ve pushed Elliott aside… and I would have wanted him to. Those pesky tears I never cried came roaring back. I wasn’t used to being so delicate, like sand falling through an hourglass.
“Sorry,” I said, sitting back up and wiping away the tears. “It’s been a rough day.”
“Mine hasn’t been great either,” he replied.
“I know. But mine was worse,” I hiccupped out a laughing cry. “I even wiped Elliott’s kiss off my face.”
