“You don’t have to apologize. I was egging you on. You’re too easy, always one insult away from pulling the pin and…” Jake simulated an explosion with his hands.
“I’m serious. I should never have said those things to you.”
My brother looked away, his jaw twitching ever so slightly. “Yeah, well. You’re not the first, and you’ll definitely not be the last. If I let shit like that affect me, I’d never leave my house. Maybe you ought to be more like me and stop listening to all the noise.”
Yeah, I thought.I definitely should.
13
Jess: History Repeats Itself
I’d just settled Noah onto his throne in front of the TV, a game controller in one hand and a chocolate milkshake in the other. If I were an eight-year-old boy freshly home from the hospital, I wouldn’t want to spend it any other way.
“Thank you, Mom,” he said, tipping his head up for a kiss, and I gladly obliged. There was nothing like nearly losing it all to make you feel like a winner.
I sank down in a chair opposite Noah and reread the last message from Quinn. It had come in yesterday, and I wondered if it would be the last.
Hey Jess. Not sure if you’re getting my messages but I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Answer me back. Jesus, am I a stalker? I feel like a stalker
I smiled, almost hearing his voice speaking those words. God, I was so mean. What I was doing was cruel. I knew that, but I also knew how quickly things could change. I remembered being curled up in front of the TV, much like Noah was now, moments before my life caved in. My parents had already divorced a year before, but of the two, my mother was the stabilizing force. Days spent with my father were fraught with uncertainty. After Andrea took his livelihood away, he’d floundered, usually drinking his weekends spent with me away. I couldn’t wait to get back to my mother. The day she’d broughthimhome was the day I ceased being the center of her universe. Weekends spent with my father extended into weeks until finally she dropped custody claims altogether. Maybe if my mother had given me the same consideration I was now giving my son, she wouldn’t have chosen him over me.
And the worst part of it all was that it didn’t have to be that way. Even after she’d callously thrown me away, I would’ve forgiven her. And I would’ve eventually accepted her new husband into my life, just as Noah had accepted the handful of men I’d brought home to him. But my mother never gave me the choice. She’d made the decision for me and cut me loose. So, yes, maybe keeping Quinn away was an overcorrection, but I could not risk history repeating itself.
The doorbell rang. Noah looked up from his game, a momentary flicker of hope passing over his face.
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe my dad?”
Don’t count on it, buddy, I thought as I peeked through the peephole. “What the hell?” I whispered.
“Is it Dad?” Noah brightened.
“No, it’s Andrea.”
“Who?”
“My sister.”
“You have a sister?”
I could understand his confusion. He’d only met Andrea a few times in his life, and she didn’t come up often in discussion.
“I have two, dork. You know that. Now be good, I’m going to let her in.”
Why was I so nervous? She was my sister. But at the same time, housecalls were not our thing. In fact, I’d never been to her house, and she’d never been to mine. I was surprised she even knew my address.
Anxiously tucking my hair behind my ear, I swung open the door, my hand actually shaking in the process. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
We stood there awkwardly, staring at each other.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
“Um… do you have any weapons?”
