Uh-huh. Like Noah had thousands of dollars lying around. But that look of sheer delight on his face laid siege to my heart.
“You deserve pretty things, Mom.”
He’d said that before—to Quinn on the first night we were all together. That Quinn had remembered those words and allowed Noah to realize his wish said more about this man than anything he could ever say or do. It was the last barrier, the last question answered. Quinn would do anything for me and Noah.
I was unequivocally and desperately in love.
Tears flowed freely now as I gathered my son in my arms and squeezed. “I don’t know what to even say, Noah. This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. You’re the best son a mom could ever ask for.”
I met Quinn’s eyes and mouthed a ‘Thank you.’
He smiled, nodding, perfectly content to allow Noah all the glory.
“Can you?” I asked, holding the box up to him.
He removed the delicate necklace and secured it around my neck before bending down and giving the skin it lay on one sweet and gentle kiss. “I can.”
27
Quinn: Testosterone
“You’re going down,” I said, revving my engine as I formed my fingers into a ‘V,’ pointing it first at my eyes and then back at his.
Jake, in the go-kart beside me, revved his own engine. “Whatever you say, cupcake.”
“Like you two have a chance against me,” Keith chuckled, his eyes glazed over from colicky baby insomnia. “I haven’t slept in weeks. I’ve got nothing left to lose.”
Noah’s birthday bash created the perfect opportunity for a testosterone-filled day of fun not only for his little preadolescent friends but also for my big ones. The invitations to my brothers had gone out two weeks before, and I figured I might snag one or two VIP members of my clan, but I’d never considered the entire bunch would RSVP.
That my family embraced Jess and Noah, welcoming them in and respecting their place in my life with ease, made me reevaluate some of the lingering resentment I felt toward them. How many of the barriers I’d erected and the isolation I’d felt growing up had been of my own making? Somewhere along the way, I’d gotten it stuck in my head that I wasn’t as loved and respected a member of my family as some of the others. But that had never been true. They’d always been there for me. Jess, she was the one who’d struggled for love. Not me.
“Please, you three don’t have the balls to flip this shit over.” Finn gripped his wheel, ready to rumble as his inner stuntman shone through. “But I sure as shit do.”
“Sir, no flipping,” the squeaky-voiced minimum-waged teenage girl warned. “It will get you banned from the go-kart track for life.”
Finn’s eyes widened. “For life? How do they keep track of that? Do they have go-kart mug shots?”
“Listen up,” my father said from his vehicle all the way in the back. “Due to a possible fungal infection in my ‘roast beef’ toe, I’m going to take this race at my own pace. No one better touch my go-kart.”
Jess’s father, Victor, fresh out of rehab, had taken his spot in the go-kart beside my father. After a lifetime of living on the edge, he too was content to hang back and drive at his own speed. The man Jess remembered as a child had come back to her, albeit a more rugged and world-weary version, but Victor was actively trying to be an upstanding citizen, not only for himself but for the daughter and grandson who were counting on his sobriety.
The final drivers in the race were my nonbiological band brothers, Mike, Matty, and Brandon, who also hung in the back of the pack, but that was only because they were too intimidated by the company I kept to do anything else. Yet despite feeling out of place amongst my family, they’d come anyway. The four of us spent hours together every day preparing for our upcoming tour, and we’d grown close. There was nothing like having a shared dream to bind people together.
The flag rose. Our engines revved, and then Kyle yelled over it all, “I like how no one is even worried about me winning, you bunch of assholes.”
The rest of us looked his direction, paused, then laughed. A second later, we were off.
Turned out we should’ve been worried about Kyle after all. He smoked us all, securing the winning time because he genuinely didn’t care if he got banned for life from the go-kart place. And he nearly did, after repeatedly being reprimanded for ramming into any go-kart that dared to try to pass him. With Kyle wearing the crown and Jake pulling in right behind him, that put me solidly behind my brother once again.
But strangely enough, it didn’t matter as much to me anymore. I didn’t feel the same need to show Jake up as I once had, not with this hot, rockin’ woman by my side giving me direction. Jess taught me humility and control. I could almost feel myself evolving into the man I could only have hoped to be.
Of course, my more relaxed view of sibling rivalry could also have had to do with the fact that I was killing it as frontman for Sketch Monsters. Our second single of the yet unreleased album was sitting high up on the music charts, playing footsie with Jake’s newest tune. But I think the main reason I was suddenly okay with sliding into home plate behind my superstar brother was because I had a higher calling now, and his name was Noah.
Fatherhood had brought out the best in me. Yes, I knew Noah wasn’t mine, but as he drifted off each night to the sound of my voice, I became ever more invested in his life. I wanted this boy to thrive, and to love and to be loved. I wanted to give him the security of knowing I was there for him and that he was important and safe.
Once upon a time, Jess had questioned my commitment to being a father figure for her son. No more. I’d proven I could be trusted, and even though I’d be taking off in a few weeks for the first Sketch Monsters tour, I knew there would always be a place for me to land. Because that was Jess. She held tight to the ones she loved.
* * *
