“Ah dammit, Breeze. You couldn’t hold it together for one week? With Bodhi rising from the dead, this weekend’sAnyDayNowconcerts are going to be epic.”
“Can we focus on what’s important?”
“That is important.”
“Okay, let me rephrase it—something less materialistic.”
“Oh, you want me to get deep with you? Fine. I don’t get it at all. I thought you liked him. Hell, this morning you texted me and said you were falling in love. And now you’re talking about leaving? It was one incident, Breeze, chill out!”
“That’s the thing, it’s not one incident. This happens to him all the time. Am I just supposed to stand on a street corner like Jane calling out to her Tarzan for the rest of my life?”
“Here’s the thing. I’ve listened to you bitch and complain for over two years about not being able to find a man who makes you feel… I don’t even want to say this, but I suppose I must… allgooeyinside. And now that you’ve found the Pillsbury Doughboy, he’s not good enough becausehe’s frickin’ loved by millions!Boo-fucking-hoo, Breeze. Ugh, I want to murder you right now.”
“Wow, tell me how you really feel,” I said, not sure if I should laugh or cry at his brutal assessment.
“You can’t deny it, Breeze. Because of what Brandon did to you, you’re scared of rejection so you push men away before they can hurt you. I get that—Brandon caused you a lot of pain. But it’s also why you’re perpetually single, and if you continue this pattern you’ll be all alone at thirty-five and I’ll be forced to bang you in order to give you the kid you always wanted.”
“You don’t want to bang me?” I whined.
“Not particularly, no. In case you forgot, I’m gay! And besides, that wasn’t the main point I was making.”
“Yeah, I get it. I’m a mess of human emotions. What’s new?”
“Look, I’m going to give it to you straight, Breeze. You’re a pretty girl. I see the way guys look at you. You shine. But every time someone shows an interest, you find some ridiculous excuse for why you can’t date. Then, as if by some miracle of god, a gorgeous pop star is dropped into your lap free of charge and what do you do? Oh, yeah, you find a reason to drop kick his ass right back up to heaven.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment as I let his words sink in. Although I didn’t much care for his delivery, Mason was right. I was afraid of rejection. And Bodhi with all his beauty and talent and nickels, he was the biggest risk of all. What would happen when someone else came along, someone better at surviving fires and flash mobs than me? Then what? I’d never fallen this fast or this hard and it was a terrifying feeling to know Bodhi had the potential to destroy me.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Mason backtracked. “That was harsh. I’m not in the best place right now. Don’t listen to me.”
I instantly picked up on the defeatist tone. “What do you mean? What’s happening?”
“Just… nothing.”
“Mason?”
“I can’t, not now.” He sounded so exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in a week. Why hadn’t I heard this earlier? I’d been so consumed by my own drama that I hadn’t stopped to consider he might have some of his own.
“Talk to me.”
A quiet rumbling low in his throat. “I’m on the ledge, Breeze.”
“What does that mean?”
He didn’t respond but I could almost hear his heart beating through the line. Whatever he had to say was breaking him in two.
“I overdosed the other night in Vegas.”
“On drugs?”
“No, on love,” he answered, despair overlapping the sarcasm. “Of course on drugs.”
His admission was like a stab through my heart. Not only was I shocked by his news but there was an unbearable feeling of guilt. I was Mason’s best friend, yet he hadn’t felt comfortable enough to confide in me that he’d started using again. I’d suspected it, even asked him point blank once, but he’d come up with plausible excuses for his behavior, so I pushed my worries aside. I suppose the fact that he was able to hold a job and function in his everyday life was enough validation for me to take his word at face value. Now, I wondered why I hadn’t dug deeper, fought harder.
“What did you take?”
“OxyContin, mostly.”
“Mostly? Was it deliberate?”
