15
Bodhi: Still Alive
“Tucker here.”
For as long as I could remember my father had answered his phone with the same brisk announcement. It was almost as if he couldn’t be bothered with the word ‘hello’. But there was something different about the greeting today…something heavy and laden with effort. Was he…crying?
“Dad.”
“Bodhi?” That word, my name, it was spoken steeped in disbelief. “Bodhi! Oh god, Bodhi.” His voice broke, that strangled sob shaking me to the bone. “Is it really you?”
Shame pooled in my belly, spreading to my limbs. What had I been thinking?
“I’m okay, dad.”
Heavy breaths marked the conversation. “Your belongings were found in the rubble. I thought… they thought…”
He didn’t need to finish his sentence. I knew exactly what he’d thought because it’s what I’d chosen to make him think. Even as pissed as I was at my father, no one deserved that misery. “I know, Dad, I’m sorry you had to go through that but I’m alive. Everything happened so fast I had to leave my stuff behind.”
As I waited for my father to regain his composure, I wracked my brain for any occasion that I’d heard him cry. There were none.
“Can you tell me what happened?” he finally asked. “How you got out?”
I related the story, not sparing any details. I owed him that much. By the time I’d finished, his breathing had returned to normal.
“Are you hurt? Burned?”
“Um, no, maybe some smoke inhalation but otherwise I’m okay.”
“I can’t even tell you, Bodhi… I can’t even… I’ve never been so scared in all my life. Thank god you’re safe. Where are you? I’ll come and get you right now.”
Tucker’s concern struck a chord and my conviction wavered. Maybe it was best to call this whole trip off. My dad may be a controlling asshole most of the time but at least he was a devoted one. Did I really need to know my mother? It’s not like she’d done a damn thing for me in life. Except stay away.
I was about to crack when I glanced over at Breeze, on the bench getting brutalized by my furry-assed best friend, Sweetpea. And suddenly I remembered why I needed the time away. It wasn’t just about my mother. It was about me finding out who I was and where I’d come from. Bonus points would be handed out if I could also figure out where the hell I was going.
“I’m not coming home yet. I have somewhere I want to go first, but I’ll be back for the show Friday night.”
“What do you mean you aren’t coming home?” An authoritative edge crept into his tone. “Where are you going?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Well, where are you now?”
“I can’t tell you that either.” I tracked my finger on the steering wheel, ready to move on. “Look, last night I thought I was going to die, and it caused me to reevaluate my life. I need this time for myself. I’ll be safe and, like I said, I’ll be back for the concert.”
“The concert? Jesus Christ, Bodhi, five minutes ago I thought you were dead. There wasn’t going to be a concert… ever again.”
“And now there is.” I blew out a breath. “Listen, I’ve got to go.”
“Bodhi, wait. How can I get in contact with you? Let me send you a phone.”
“No. I don’t need one right now.”
“ButIneed you to have one,” he insisted. “I need to know where you are at all times.”
“No, Dad, you don’t. I’m not a kid anymore, and if I say I need to take a few days to myself, that’s what I’m going to do. And don’t bother calling this number back because I just borrowed it from a random person. I’ll call you in a couple of days to arrange a flight back to Los Angeles. In the meantime, let the guys … the media … let everyone know I’m fine. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”
His objections raced across the line, but I hung up. Maybe it was cruel to freeze him out so soon after the fright he’d suffered but if I gave Tucker too much power, he’d use it against me, and I’d already decided that wasn’t acceptable to me anymore. My dad was no longer calling the shots. I hadn’t saved myself to become a slave all over again.
