A muffled curse, and then Bodhi’s voice again. Calm. Reassuring. “Listen to me. You’re probably having a panic attack. I can help you.”
Yes, help me.
“O-okay.”
“All right. Cup your hands over your mouth and take a deep breath. Hold it a second, then slowly let it out. Do it now.”
Dutifully, I followed his directions. Once. Twice. Five times. Slowly but surely, the panic receded, the fog lifting by degrees. When the feeling came back in my legs, I stumbled to the toilet, closed the lid, and sank onto the unyielding plastic.
“Talk to me, Breeze.”
But I couldn’t. Words failed me.
Minutes passed and I wasn’t sure if Bodhi was still with me until I heard his voice floating in from the other side of the door. Soft and melodic. He was singing. To me. Not some pop melody or top 100 hit. This was a lullaby. Closing my eyes, I let the words soothe me.
When you feel afraid
When you lose your way
I’ll find you
Just try to smile
And dry your eyes
I will bring back the moon
Into your skies
When he finished, I found the strength to wobble to my feet. And when I opened the door, Bodhi was there, sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the wood. Slanting his gaze to mine, he smiled.
“Hey,” he said quietly as he climbed to his feet. “You okay?”
I didn’t say a word, just walked into his arms and buried my face in the bronzed hallows of his neck. Had I given my actions more thought… or any thought at all, I probably wouldn’t have forced my affection on him. But tonight was one of firsts, and I figured why stop at a panic attack when I could go for broke and cross the ‘no touching the celebrity’ rule.
Bodhi’s arms banded around my waist, and he began to rock me.
“What was that song?” I whispered.
He was silent for so long I wondered if maybe he hadn’t heard me. Lifting my gaze, I searched his eyes for an answer, but found only pain.
“Did I say something wrong?” I asked, appalled at my misstep even though I still wasn’t sure what it had been.
“No. It wasn’t you. I don’t even know where that came from. You were scared and I wasn’t thinking.”
“The song helped me. It was nice, soothing… like a lullaby.”
He nodded, his eyes far away as if lost in a memory. “When I was young someone close to me used to sing it when I was afraid. It’s been so many years. I can’t believe I even remembered it.”
From his tone and the awkward tilt of his body, it was clear—this person was no longer in his life. Suddenly, I wished I’d paid more attention to him in the media. It might have helped me piece together the puzzle.
“Well, it must be the magic cure because it helped me recover. I honestly don’t know what happened to me. One minute I was fine and the next, it felt like I was dying.”
“Definitely sounds like a panic attack.”
“Maybe. How did you know what to do to stop it?”
“I’ve had them before—a lot actually.” The minute the words left his mouth, I could tell he regretted them. Tilting my chin with his thumb, he gazed down at me with serious eyes. “This is just between us, okay? Please don’t share this information with anyone.”
