“I’m okay.”
“Are you? Because I get the distinct impression you’re still stuck on Sam. Have you seen her?”
“No. Sam and I are not getting back together, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“But Keith, if you’re not moving on, maybe you should turn around and go back. Beg for her forgiveness.”
“Why does everyone just naturally assume I’m to blame? Has it ever occurred to you, or to anyone in this family, that she broke it off with me for her own reasons, and she doesn’t want me back?”
Emma’s lips parted and her eyes widened. “Is that what happened? You didn’t cheat on her?”
“No, I didn’t cheat on her. Jesus, what kind of person do you think I am? Does everyone think I cheated?”
“Not everyone,” Emma answered in halted speech. “Just me and Mom. And Dad and Quinn and Jake. And the dry cleaning lady down the street.”
“No, not Nancy too.” I laughed despite myself. “Look, if you must know, Sam is going through some big things, and she didn’t want to…”
“To what?”
“Drag me along with her. She shut me out of her life, Em. I can’t go back even if I wanted to. Do you understand now?”
Rocking back in her seat, Emma focused on the tabletop, running her fingers along the wood before finally glancing up at me. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry, Keith. Why didn’t you say something?”
“It’s complicated.”
“But you still love her?”
“Yes.”
She sighed, focusing on the grooves, and without looking up, she said, “Sometimes love sucks, doesn’t it? It’s designed to hurt you. The more you love, the worse the pain of losing is. I tried to hold it off, hardened my heart to it, but what I learned was that not having love is worse than losing it in the end.”
“I don’t know about that. Right about now I wish I’d never loved her.”
“Do you?”
Folding my arms on the table, I dropped my head into them. “I don’t know. I hate this. The whole thing – it feels unfinished. It’s been this way since we were teenagers. There’s so much history between us, but things beyond our control always get in the way. You want to know the worst part of our breakup, Em? Sam broke up with me not because she hates me but because she loves me. She wanted me to have everything she couldn’t give me. I think that’s why I can’t move on. We never fell out of love. It’s the story of our lives.”
“I did the same thing to Finn, but then I saw the error of my ways, and I begged his forgiveness. She might see it too and come back to you, Keith.”
I shook my head, feeling the heaviness. “She can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because, this isn’t about hang-ups, Emma, it’s about life and death and she’s… she’s dying.”
For a second there I thought I might need to check my sister for a pulse. Maybe it hadn’t been the best idea to shock her this way when she was eight months pregnant.
“You can’t tell anyone I told you. Not even the dry cleaning lady. Do you understand?”
Her mouth had yet to close. “How?”
“Sam has Huntington’s disease. It attacks the brain cells…”
Her face faded to ashen white. “I know what Huntington’s is.”
“And so you know what’s going to happen to her?”
Emma was stone-still for a moment before she reluctantly nodded her head.
