Fuck the kitty cats and the pickle head, this was the conversation I wanted in on. Just exactly what were those nerdy girls saying about me? I had half a mind to break out of Utopia and stalk over there myself. And I would have, too, if it wouldn’t have been social suicide. So instead, I kept my eyes glued on the girls, waiting. I knew my lab partner would be back, too curious not to check if I was still watching her.
A full minute passed before she lifted her eyes just enough to see me staring. I waved. The girl’s eyes widened as she slowly swiveled her head around, checking the space behind her to determine if there was, perhaps, another intended recipient of my greeting. Finding no one there, the girl gestured toward herself, before mouthingMe?
A smile tugged at my lips and I nodded. “Yes, you.”
3
Samantha: Spooned
Inearly floated from my seat on a wave of euphoria. Keith. Keith McKallister was smiling at me. This just didn’t happen – not to me. And even though I’d done a sweep of the perimeter to confirm there hadn’t been someone else passing behind me at that exact moment, I was still having trouble processing the sudden turn of events. I mean, what were the chances that moments after I’d given Shannon the rundown of events in chemistry class that we’d look up to find him staring?
In a perfect world, I would have remained calm and composed – maybe even offered him an upper class wave or a sexy toss of my tangled mane. But, of course, I’d done the opposite, and now I had to deal with the burn spreading through my cheeks from the embarrassment of being me.
As quickly as the excitement surfaced, my questioning mind chased it away. Why single me out –the chubby chick from chemistry? What was his angle? The more I thought about it, the more I realized his actions made no sense. With him sitting over there in his posh zip code, there was absolutely no reason for him to acknowledge my existence.
Reality smacked me squarely in the face: Keith was mocking me. Of course he was. It was the only logical conclusion. He’d probably made some bet with his buddies – devised some plan to humiliate me in front of the entire student body. I could almost picture the pig’s blood dripping down my face. I should have known better. ‘Nice’ in my world was never just nice.
Heat burned up my spine and spread through the extremities. I was teetering dangerously close to an emotional collapse. I didn’t have a lot of reserves to pull from in the first place, but this had the makings of a full-scale disaster. Peace was all I asked for. Why couldn’t people just leave me alone?
Willing back the sobs threatening to burst unchecked, I grabbed my backpack and ran from the lunch tables. It never even occurred to me that I’d just abandoned my best friend until Shannon caught up with me at the end of the first set of lockers.
“Samantha! What happened?” she asked, panic gripping her as she checked me for injury. She wouldn’t find anything. The damage was buried too deep.
Tears brimmed on my lashes. “He waved and smiled at me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Keith. He waved and smiled at me.”
“Keith McKallister waved and smiled at you?” Shannon repeated, and I could see her trying to process the gravity of my words but finding nothing alarming in them whatsoever. And then came the stunned smile. “For real?”
“Yes, for real.”
“Then why are you crying? That’s the best thing that’s happened to either of us in high school, and I’m including the time that guy said I might be pretty if I could get rid of all my freckles.”
Exactly my point. That was the type of garbage she and I dealt with on a daily basis, and it was the reason I was now convinced of Keith’s deception. I dropped my gaze to the floor. “He was making fun of me, Shannon.”
“By waving and smiling? Apparently you’ve never had people fake-blow their noses when you walk by or ask you how manymilestall you are.”
It was a joke, but there was no mistaking the pain behind her admission. It wasn’t easy being misfits in a world of health and beauty, but Shannon and I did our best, minding our own business until someone felt the need to rub our noses in all our faults. I hated feeling unworthy, but maybe that was just me. Shannon apparently was made of sterner stuff.
“It’s not fair. You’re the nicest girl at this school. If people just took the time to get to know you, they’d love you as much as I do.”
The way I saw it, there was someone for everyone in this world, and at this point in my life, Shannon was my only someone. Already emotional, I failed to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Maybe I was just overly sentimental because this was the last ‘first day of school’ I would ever share with my friend. Shannon was a senior, so by this time next year, she’d be in college, off living the dream, and I’d be confined to the four walls of the library praying the librarian had done a heavy restock over the summer.
Shannon’s eyes softened as she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “Don’t add me to your list of woes. And stop obsessing over what others think of you. Who cares? You are you. I am me. We can’t change that. But what we can do is surround ourselves with positive people.”
I cringed just thinking about the support system I had at home. Shannon picked up on it right away, holding me tighter. “It’s not as simple for you. I get that, but just know it will get easier. High school doesn’t last forever. And has it even occurred to you that maybe Keith’s smile and wave was just that – a friendly gesture? There are still good people in this world.”
I leaned back, considering my best friend’s words before grinning. “He’s a drug dealer, Shannon.”
“A drug dealer with a heart of gold, Samantha.” She winked. “With a heart of gold.”
* * *
I spent fifth period hashing over Shannon’s version of events. Was I so warped in my thinking that I’d misread what happened at the lunch tables? Was Keith really just being friendly? And if that were the case, what did it say about me? I had a sinking feeling if I continued down this skeptical path, I was going to live a lonely, distrustful life.
Maybe it wasn’t so far off to think Keith liked me – in the most platonic sense of the word. We’d had a fairly interesting conversation, and I had actually felt a connection to him. Not a romantic one, of course, because that would just be, well, pathetic wishful thinking. No, the connection I’d made with him was a human one. Keith had seen me – the invisible Samantha Anderson – and, for only the second time since moving to this town, I’d felt like I belonged. Like I was a part of something bigger than myself. I felt welcomed.
