My mouth dropped open. “Lassen was?”
He nodded.
The image of the sweaty, overweight bus driver getting it on with one woman was disturbing enough, but two? “Well, fuck.”
Jake wasn’t paying attention to me as he turned the bear over in his hands. “Do… do you think I should call her?” he stammered.
Multiple times a week I watched him take the stage with a maturity that defied his years. He was poised and talented. A star. Sometimes I forgot he was still a kid – in need of his big brother to show him the way. Pulling my chair out, I flipped it around and straddled it. Time to get serious.
I reached my hand out. “Give me the bear.”
His fingers closed over the squishy animal. “No. Why, what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to call the number and get her over here, that’s what I’m going to do.”
“You? Shouldn’t I call her myself?”
“If you were a normal guy, yeah. But Jake, you’re a star. You don’t call women.”
“I don’t?”
“No, you have people to do that for you. Now give me the bear.”
Jake squeezed it tighter. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to get laid or not?”
Myriad emotions passed over his face before his fingers loosened and the bear dropped to the table. The phone was out of my pocket and I was dialing her number before he’d even retracted his hand.
I set the call on speaker.
“Hello?” A female voice responded on the first ring. Perhaps she’d been anticipating the call. Jake jumped from his chair and signaled me to abort the mission with the subtle mime of slicing his fingers across his throat. I smiled and shook my head.Not a chance, stud.
Directing my attention back to the caller, I asked, “Is this LeAnn?”
She let out a high-pitched squeal as giggles from her friends filled the line with giddy little air bubbles. “Yes. Are you Jake? Oh, my god, I can’t believe you called me.”
Pacing back and forth, my brother was chomping down on his knuckle while emitting low groans like an animal caught in a leg clamp.
“No, I’m not Jake, but I work for him. He got your message.”
“He did?” More squeals. “I saw him pick it up, but I never thought…” She stopped to breathe. “Does he want me to come over? I’m still at the stadium.”
I sought Jake out and found him crouched near the ground, his hand covering his mouth. He appeared alternately horrified and enthralled. Our eyes met and I queried with my thumb – yes or no?
After a moment’s thought, he removed his hand from his mouth and turned his thumb up, green-lighting the operation.
“Yes, LeAnn. Jake wants to meet you. I’m going to send you a text. Bring it to security and tell them Keith sent you. They’ll get you to his bus.”
By the time I hung up the phone, my brother was lying flat on his back on the tour bus floor hyperventilating. I got up and nudged him with my foot. “Thiswill not impress LeAnn.”
“Maybethisisn’t a good idea,” he groaned.
“Of course it is. Sex is like pizza…when it’s good it’s good, but when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.”
I offered him my hand, and to my surprise, his fingers wrapped around mine. I pulled him to his feet.
“You’ll be fine. Now, I’m warning you ahead of time, don’t be too ambitious because chances are you’re going to suck. I mean, dude, the first time is never pretty. Most newbies are ‘two pump chumps,’ if you know what I mean. Don’t panic. It’s totally normal to blow your wad before she’s even gotten started. But here’s the thing – at this stage of the game, her satisfaction isn’t your problem any more than the safety of other motorists on the road is the concern of a 16-year-old with a newly minted driver’s license.”
