* * *
The further away I got from the hospital, the worse I felt. I made it several blocks on foot before I realized what I was doing – I wasn’t sticking it to Mitch, I was turning my back on Jake. This was not the person I wanted to be. And certainly not the person I needed to be to win Sam back.
When it came right down to it, Mitch was just an excuse – an easy target. Was it his fault that he shit gold bars? Some people were just destined to be on the starting lineup. It was written in their DNA. And by stomping off the way I did, all I’d done was prove I was a second-string player.
What was I doing walking away when Jake needed me? What kind of a douche did that? Me, apparently. Well, shit! If I was going to change myself for the better, I had to go back and apologize to Mitch. It was the only way out of the hole I’d dug for myself.
Sighing, I pivoted on the ball of one foot and trudged back to the hospital.
* * *
Mom was sitting in the small waiting area outside Jake’s door.
“I knew you’d be back,” she said.
“Yeah? That’s one of us. Did you hear?”
“Oh, I heard.”
“Where is he? I need to apologize.”
“He left with Kyle, Emma, and Dad.” Her weary eyes rolled over me. “Lucky you.”
I shifted from foot to foot, shame heating my cheeks. “I shouldn’t have said those things to him.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. Mitch is not your enemy, Keith. He never has been.”
“I know. He didn’t do anything wrong. I can barely control my pettiness around him.”
“Trust me, you inherited that particular trait from me.” She smiled, patting the seat beside her. I sank into it and laid my head to her shoulder. “I don’t know how much I told you about the issues Aunt Mel and I had growing up. She was the perfect older sister. Everyone loved her. Sometimes I felt like an afterthought. I spent my life trying to live up to her, and it just damaged our relationship. It wasn’t until I decided to be okay with who I was that we were able to put everything in the past. Because your situation was similar to mine, I tried extra hard to make you feel special, but obviously I failed.”
“You didn’t fail me, Mom. I made my own choices. You know I’ve never been easy to control.”
“No.” She chuckled. “You definitely have not. When you were a toddler, you used to flip over the coffee table because you thought you were the Hulk. At playgrounds, if I turned my back for a second, you’d strip down naked and pee on trees.”
“Well, in my defense, that just sounds like crappy parenting. Way to go, Mom.”
We laughed, and she leaned over to kiss my forehead as if I were still a small child. “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too. So much. I’m sorry for everything.”
She held her hand up. “We all have our crosses to bear, Keith. Anything you have done dwarfs in comparison to me. If it takes me a lifetime, I will make it up to you and the others, I promise you that.” Mom’s voice shook, and I could feel her body trembling.
I lifted my head back up, looking into her teary eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Such a stupid question, seeing that currently everything was wrong. I hooked my arm over her shoulder, hugging her to me. She was frail under my touch. The strain was taking its toll. Jake was alive, and that should have brought joy, but little about the situation we found ourselves in was cause for celebration.
“I’m sorry, baby.” A sob escaped her. “I let you slip through my fingers. You were still fragile, and I knew that, and I should have held on tighter. Now you’ve rewound and are back where you started.”
I wish.If she only knew how much further I’d fallen. But I kept silent as we embraced.
“It’s okay,” I whispered in her ear. “It’s not your fault.”
Her body shook. “I don’t know how to make this better, Keith. How do I fix Kyle and you and Jake?”
“I don’t know, Mom. I just want our family back.”
“Me too.”
