Jake’s eyes rolled up as his tongue lolled out. “You cannot tell me that there isn’t another woman in the entire kingdom who has her sameshoesize.”
“That’swhat you have a problem with?” I laughed, poking him in the side like Riley had been doing earlier. “Not the mice who turn into horses or the pumpkin that turns into acarriage?”
“I’m just saying, Casey, if you were a slovenly maiden – which, let’s be honest, you sometimes are” – he smiled mischievously, flinching away in anticipation of the smack he both expected and deserved – “and then suddenly you put on a ball gown and did your hair up all fancy and shit, I’d still be able to tell itwasyou.”
“It’s a fantasy, Jake. It isn’t meant to be psychoanalyzed. And watch your language aroundthekids.”
“Sorry, guys. I meantshucks.”
I could already hear Riley mimicking Jake’sfancy and shitin a faint whisper and knew it would be resurfacing sometime in the near future. Sydney was no longer focused on the movie but on Jake’s lively retellingofit.
“My point is, that prince is totally shallow. If he loved her that much after one dance, he would’ve been able to pick her out of a crowd without adamnshoe.”
“Jake,” I reprimandedagain.
“Dammit. I mean darn it. Not swearing is really hard.” He sighed. “Anyway, listen up, Sydney. A guy like that is not worthyourtime.”
“A cartoon prince?” she asked,confused.
“Well, no, not him specifically. I’m talking the living, breathing kind. Those kinds should like you even in a pair ofChucks.”
“Wow, Jake,” Kyle said sarcastically. “Such a beautifulsentiment.”
“Can you dobetter?”
“Yeah, actually, I can. Sydney, don’t ever date a douche. Six words. Bam!” He made his fist explode to complement hisadvice.
“Kyle!” I scolded. “Language.”
“Sorry, Imeantboom.”
“That’s not…” I began, before stopping myself. These guys were hopeless, and I refused to be their mom. “Oh,whatever.”
“You’re looking at swearing all wrong. Think of dirty words more like sentence enhancers,”Kylesaid.
“You two are twenty-four and twenty-five respectively. I feel like there are less offensive ways of getting your pointsacross.”
“Well, you’d think,” Jake said, sounding every bit like the troublemaker he was, before grabbing me around the waist and knocking me sideways on the couch. He was on me in a second, blowing raspberries into my collarbone. I squealed, wriggling my way out of his hold, but just as I was about to right myself, the kids, having watched our display in anticipation, took the opportunity to dog pile on top of us. We were already screaming when Kyle dropped into our love circle. The noise level only escalated from that point on as we screeched withlaughter.
From the front of the bus, Lassen opened the partition and hollered, “Shut thehellup!”
And without skipping a beat, we all yelled in unison, “Language!”
17
Jake: TheRookie
We wokeup the next morning to uncontrollable crying. Riley. Casey and I shot out of bed just as he was entering the room with Sydney’s arm draped over hisshoulder.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Casey asked, dropping to her knees and checking his body forinjuries.
Wiping at the tears with the palm of his hands, he sniffled, “Shedidn’tcome.”
“Whodidn’tcome?”
“The ToothFairy.”
It felt like I’d taken a punch to the nuts. I forgot the fucking Tooth Fairy! I had one job last night, just one, and it was to not forget to put money under Riley’s pillow. Epic, goddamn fail. Casey and I traded horrified glances, each trying to blame the other for dropping the ball. Her eyes were all accusation and mine all contempt. Sure, I forgot, but it was Casey’s fault for trusting me with such an important job in the firstplace.
