“Everything that makes you who you are is still there, but it’s just under a layer of sadness. I see your light trying to shine through. I know you want to be happy again but I think maybe you feel guilty… like you aren’t allowed to be happy because your mom and dad aren’t here toenjoyit.”
A tear slipped down her cheek as shenodded.
“But you know that’s not what they would want, right? They’d want you to live and smile and be happy. They always only wanted the best for you and that’s what Grams and Gramps are trying to give you, Syd. Nothing we can do will bring them back but there’s a lot you can do to keep them aliveinsidehere.”
Sydney silently tapped her fingers on mine, seemingly contemplating my words before saying, “My mom was going to take me to one of Jake’s concerts this summer. Just us girls. She said we’d fly to any city I wanted to go to. That should have been her with metonight.”
“Oh.” I had no idea how to respond to her. Something soothing or maybe insightful would have been ideal, but that had never been me. I thought with my emotions, not my brain. “Your mom was soawesome.”
Sydney immediately broke down, covering her face to silently weep. Crap, that was such a stupid thing to say. It only served to make her miss her mom more. Now it was me strokingherhair.
“I cry for your mom and dad everyday, too. Did you know that? I miss them so much that sometimes I can’tbreathe.”
“That’s how I feel too,” Syd said. “Andmad.”
“Yep. Me too. So mad that they had to die… for what? A text? If that lady had just looked up from her damn phone, they’d all still bealive.”
“I’m so mad I want to hurtpeople.”
“Is that why you’re so hard on Grams andGramps?”
“I guess. Someday everyone is going to stop loving me because I’msomean.”
Tears splashed down her face faster than I could wipe them away. I pulled her head to my chest and held hertight.
“That’s never going to happen. You’re way too loved. But I’ll admit, I feel the same waysometimes.”
“You do?” Sydney sat up, wiping her face in her sheets. She was now fully vested in our conversation. I was aware that Riley was asleep in the bunk below and that, if he woke, I’d be in for a long night, but it would all be worth it if I could get this little girl toopenup.
“I’m scared that my sadness is going to push Jake away. I don’t want him to get tired of me and decide toleave.”
To my surprise, Sydney reached out her hand and placed it on my cheek. She had temporarily forgotten her own misery to tend to mine, and that’s when I knew my sweet niece was still in there, buried deep under all the rubble. “He won’tleaveyou.”
“Why do youthinkthat?”
“Because helovesyou.”
“Like we love you?” Iasked.
She nodded, but I sensed that she wasn’tconvinced.
“Nothing you do will ever stop us from loving you, Syd. We might get frustrated or angry with you, but that’s not the same thing. We’re family, girl. We sticktogether.”
“Then why are you afraid Jake will leave? He’sfamilytoo.”
That was a damn good question. Why was I always doubting his loyalty when he’d done nothing todeserveit?
“You’re right. I’m not giving him any credit. Just like you’re not giving us any. We’re a pair,aren’twe?”
Sydney nodded heragreement.
“You and me, we need to stop acting like Eeyore and be morelikePooh.”
“Huh?” she said, lookingperplexed.
“WinniethePooh?”
Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh. I’ve neverseenit.”
