16
Casey: ParentalUnits
“Catch me, Jake. Catch me,”Sydney said, as she hung precariously over the back of her airplane seat. One false move and she’d be in his lap. Without even the slightest display of emotion, he reached out a hand and pushed her back over. This little scenario had played out no fewer than twelve times now, and by the blank look on his face, he’d gone into survival mode. I couldn’t help but laugh because otherwise, I’d be crying. We were officially in way over our heads. Jake shifted his eyes toward me, the only part of him apparently still functioning, then pretended to break down in tears. Right back atyou,bud.
We’d managed to get Syd and Riley strapped in for take off, but once the flight leveled off, Jake and I had made the rookie mistake of letting them take their seatbelts off, essentially setting them free to wreak havoc on every unsuspecting adult on the flight. Thankfully this was a private jet, and besides the two pilots and a flight attendant, the only other ones with us were on Jake’s payroll, so they had no choice but to grin andbearit.
“There are only two of them, right?” Jake asked. “I can’t tell because they seem to havemultiplied.”
He was right. We were only an hour into the two-hour flight, and Sydney had already visited the pilots twice, been in the bathroom four times, and had sung the song fromFrozen, oh, I’d say maybe fourteen times. Not to be outdone, Riley had pulled out every elementary school game at his disposal – right now he was playingDuck, Duck, Goose– and yet still, somehow, had managed to fit time into his busy schedule to eat a snack in every unoccupied seat on the plane. The worst of it was, neither one seemed remotely close to slowing down. As for Jake and me, the past hour spent chasing them down had used up every last bit of our reserves, and we were now slumped lethargically in ourchairs.
“Yes. Only two,” I confirmedforhim.
“I think I can officially say we suck atparenting.”
“Agreed.” I nodded my head. “Thank god we didn’t getpregnant.”
“I wasn’t going to say that, but it’s exactly what I was thinking,” he said, then added, “Maybe once wegrowup.”
“Yes, that seems like a smart plan. Let’s grow upfirst.”
He stuck his hand across the aisle and we linked pinkies. It was the most energy either of us couldmuster.
Sydney popped up from behind the seat like one of those terrifying jack-in-the-box toys. “Hey,RockStar?”
That was what she’d taken to calling him once the flight began. Jake displayed a pathetic little pout before turning his attention backtoher.
“Yes, Sydney? What can I doforyou?”
“Are we going to your concerttonight?”
Before he could give her an answer, Riley burst forth from behind Jake’s chair and walloped him on top ofthehead.
“Duck!” he yelled, a look of glee on his seven-year-old face as he jumped off the seat and took offrunning.
Jake’s eyes followed Riley up the aisle. “Does he really think I’m going to chase after him when he gets toGoose?”
I turned my head toward my sweet hubby and smiled. We both knew hewould.
“So, are we going to the concert or what?” Syd asked again, but this time she would not be ignored. Grasping Jake’s chin in her fingers, she turned his facetowardher.
“It depends. Are you going to be good?” heaskedher.
“Duck!” Riley popped me on my shoulder, choosing that spot because, with Vadim, Jake’s bodyguard, sitting directly behind me, he couldn’t reach my head. Again my nephew took off running. So far, this was a game I could get behind because it hadn’t required any extra movement onmypart.
Sydney leaned all the way over until her forehead was nearly touching Jake’s. “Definegood.”
“You want a definition, do you?” Jake asked, breaking out a smile. It was no secret he loved her spunk. Regardless of how shitty we were at parenting, Sydney needed him. At this difficult point in her life, he seemed the only person she respected enough to listen to. “Okay, good means that you do what Auntie Casey says, that you don’t get in the way of the crew, and that you don’t run out onto the stage and sing ‘Let it Go’ while I’mperforming.”
“That’s it?” she said, actually wiping her brow with the back of her hand. “What arelief.”
Sydney let go of his chin and disappeared over her chair again. Jake and I exchanged confused expressions. What did that mean? What exactly washerdefinition of good? But before we could get our answer, Riley skipped by us, stopping in front ofVadim.
“Du…” He was only halfway through the word when Vadim grabbed his handmid-duck.
“Don’t even think about it, kid,” he said in a menacing growl while throwing in a lip curl to thethreat.
“Vadim!” Jake shot up from his chair, hands balled into fists. His reaction was so swift that it startled everyone on the plane. “Get your hands offhim,now!”
