“You really do look great, don’t get me wrong. Are you actually going to the gym, or were you just trying to impressthegirl?”
Luke looked up at me over his coffee cup and actually smiled. “What do youthink?”
“If I had to guess,thenno.”
“I’ve gone a few times, but people are crazy at gyms. This one time I saw some idiot put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on thetreadmill.”
I laughed. Luke and his goofy personality were still in there. Still, I needed a little more from him to ease my mind. “I’m just worried that it wasn’t a conscious choice of yours to gethealthy.”
“Well, it wasn’t like I said, ‘My brother just died, whoopee, sign me up for Nutrisystem for men.’ I just don’t feel like doing much of anything these days, and that includes eating. Right now, life justsucks.”
“Don’t I know it,” I said, covering his hand with mine. “I’ve been pretty depressed myself. Iameating, though, but only to keep my strength up so I can continue to bully Jake into getting mepregnant.”
“There you go, Casey. Projecting your misery onto others. Goodforyou.”
“You know me… always putting others beforemyself.”
His eyes focused on his coffee and he smiled, but it was heavy with strain. “I’m doing better. I really am. Stop worryingaboutme.”
“Sure, I’ll just cross your name off my list ofangst.”
“Thank you. So, are youpregnant?”
“No. We’ve only been trying for three months. It’s probably for the best if we don’t get pregnant, but it just doesn’t feel like that. I want one so badly. A baby would bring joy back into our lives, don’t youthink?”
“A baby’s just a Band-Aid, Sis. It might stop the bleeding, but the reason for the wound will still exist. My advice would be to fix yourselffirst.”
“That might take a lifetime,” I huffed, taking a swig of coffee. “And I don’t have thepatience.”
Both our phones buzzed at the same time, and we glanced down at the screens like mirror images. “Mom’s beendischarged.”
“Yep, let’sgethome.”
Luke and I walked over to throw our cups away and the barista called out to him, “Have a greatday,Luke.”
And, without hesitation, my brother answered, as he always did, “Have abetterone.”
* * *
My mother arrived home laterthat afternoon, looking surprisingly strong and healthy. Her mood was upbeat as well. I didn’t know what type of happy pills she was taking, but I wanted some. How could she have such a positive demeanor in these trying times? She couldn’t. At least that’s what I assumed. This whole thing had to be an act, and when she was alone, I was certain my mother was suffering in silence. This calmness of hers had to be denial all wrapped up in a pretty box with amagnificentbow.
The first topic she wanted to discuss as she took her place on the couch with a glass of her favorite ice tea was the kids’ impending departure. She didn’t think it was necessary for them to leave and tried to pull rank by letting us know, in no uncertain terms, that she was their legal guardian and the decision was ultimately uptoher.
“Well, then, when you tell Sydney she doesn’t get to go on tour with Jake, I want to be in an adjacent state,”Lukesaid.
“Me too,” Dadagreed.
Mom’s eyes shifted among the three of us. I could see her resolve fading. “Fine. They can go. It’s not like you’ll make it four weeks with themanyway.”
* * *
The wheels toucheddown on the tarmac and my heart leapt in my chest. We’d only been apart for a week, but it felt much longer. Jake had flown in from Texas on a private plane just to pick us up. It would have been easier for him to stay put and for us to travel to him, but Sydney begged him to come to the play her class was performing on the last day ofschool.
Although we’d told her it wasn’t possible, Jake secretly made plans to surprise her. He had exactly four hours in Arizona before we needed to be on the flight back for the evening concert he was toperform.
Although it was just him getting off the flight, I pulled out a cardboard sign and held it over my head. It had become somewhat of a ritual for us, and Jake loved it every time. Sometimes it was just a flimsy piece of paper, and other times I went fancy with colored paint on thick paper stock, but regardless of the materials I used, the sign always had the same four letters onit:cake.
Jake smiled as he walked toward me and ducked under his paper greeting to give meakiss.
