Quinn put his hand up to stop me. “There’s no band. Notanymore.”
My eyes widened. This was news to me. “Youquit?”
“Something like that. When I asked you to help me with my songs, it’s just me. I’m going solo, and I’m nowhere near tour ready, sorelax.”
We both stood there silently. I could feel the chill between us and wasn’t sure how to remedy the situation without making thingsworse.
“That song youwrote…”
Quinn’s cheeks flushed as he looked down. “I know I messed up the secondchorus.”
“Did you? I didn’t hearanything.”
“Don’t lie. I knowyoudid.”
He was right. I had heard it. But the song had been performed with such heart that it hadn’t mattered. “I was going to say – it wasgreat.”
You would have thought I’d told him I was sporting a third nipple by the way he reacted with suchshock.
“Are you being serious? Or is this just your way of trying to smooththingsover?”
Every word that came out of Quinn’s mouth was riddled with skepticism. He either had no faith in himself or no faith in me. Somehow I suspected it was somewhere inbetween.
“I’m dead serious. You wereincredible.”
Quinn just stood there staring at me, a mix of emotions playing out over his face. I swear his eyes misted over before he cleared his voice and said, “Thanks.”
“Hey.” I nudged him. “I’m proudofyou.”
He met my eye again, only this time the only emotion to be found was anger. “Now I know you’re lying. You’re never proud of me. You don’t even likeme,Jake.”
“What?” How could he think that? “You’re my brother. Of course Ilikeyou.”
“No. You like Kyle and Keith. You just tolerate me. Don’t deny it. Every time I talk to you or ask you anything, you brushmeoff.”
Did I? It was true I didn’t spend much time with Quinn, and yeah, I flaked on him on a regular basis, but it shocked me that he would think I didn’tlikehim.
“Quinn.” I reached for him, but he backed away, and now I could clearly see the hurt inhiseyes.
“Forget I said anything,” he hissed through clenchedteeth.
“No. I want to talk about this. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I promise you, it wasn’tintentional.”
“It’s always been this way. Ever since you came home. You never wanted anything to do with me. I try so hard to get your attention. I mean…” Quinn laughed bitterly. “I try to beyouevery goddamn day. It’s just neverenough.Ever!”
It hit me then, like a baseball bat to the head, why our relationship was what it was. Quinn was dead right. I did treat him differently, and now I knew why. He was me… had I not been kidnapped all those years ago. Quinn represented everything I could have been. He had the childhood, the girlfriends, the sports, the garage band with his friends, the prom, the graduation. And now, without having to go through any of the trials I’d faced, Quinn was going to have my career. Holy fuck! I was jealousofhim.
“Are you okay?” he asked, forgetting his own hurt feelings to tend to me. “You look like you’ve seen aghost.”
No, not a ghost… just a giant dose of reality. I blinked in rapid succession, trying to make sense of what my mind was telling me. My behavior was responsible for this rift between us. I did resent him without even knowing it. He hadn’t deserved the scorn I’d heaped on him over the years. It wasn’t his fault that he’d been safe at home with his baby blanket while I was being tortured within an inch of my life. It wasn’t his fault that he’d lived the life I’d always wanted while I’d floundered for years in a sort of hellish purgatory. Feeling suddenly off, I steadied myself againstthewall.
“I’m fine,” I answered, covering for my weakness. “I think I had too muchliquor.”
“Oh.Okay.”
He didn’t believe me, but he also understood I wouldn’t beelaborating.
“I’m guilty of everything you just accused me of. I haven’t been listening to you but, Quinn, I heard you tonight. And trust me when I say – you are goodenough.”
