I clutched Casey to me, my throat holding back something between a howl and a roar.Why me?The two words I swore I’d never say threatened to escape through clenched teeth. They were weak words, pathetic, really, and didn’t deserve to be allowed passage. Yet my whole life could be summed up by that simple question. Out of everybody he could have chosen, why had Raypickedme?
People speak of fate – the predetermined course of a person’s life – but I’d always refused to believe I’d been placed on this earth solely to be the plaything for a demented killer. And so I worked to change my destiny, pouring my soul into music and making a name for myself outside of Ray’s demented control. I reconnected with my family and made lifelong and lasting bonds. And, most importantly, I opened my heart up to a beautiful woman and allowed myselftolove.
I did all those things to prove that fate didn’t own me. But now I realized what a fool I’d been. I could change my destiny all I wanted, but I could never outrun my fate. Almost my whole life had been lived in his clutches. Ray’s secrets were now my own, and his crimes had become my crosstobear.
As if it weren’t bad enough that he’d taken away my freedom and my innocence, Ray had also taken any chance I might have had at a peaceful life by forcing his memories on me with his boastful claims of death and destruction. I couldn’t even close my eyes at night without the fear that his victims would visit me in my sleep. Jack, Anton, Ren, Wilson, and Felix. I knew their names and had seen their faces, both dead and alive. I knew the towns they’d lived in before Ray destroyed them and who their families were and what they’d been like in life. But I also knew what their last words had been, how they died, and where they were buried. I knew all this because Ray had bound me to them for alleternity.
And when I’d come home, a tragic shell of myself, I’d tried to forget, blocking them from my memory for years until one day they found their way through the barriers of my mind and infiltrated my dreams. They weren’t ghosts at all, but living memories forced upon me by the man to whose fate I’d been foreverlinked.
Yes, I should have told someone; but like Casey said, no one knew what it was like being me. There was no handbook for me to study or any tried and true path I could follow. I had to find my way through hell on my own, and the mistakes I made had brought me here into the loving embrace of the woman who was willing to forgive my sins for no other reason than because she loved me and trusted that my heartwasgood.
“I promised you answers, Casey, and I’m ready to lay myself bare for you, but first, there’s something I have to do. I’m not going to keep his secrets anymore. This endstoday.”
I tipped my head in the direction of a row of SUVs driving toward us. They’d come in through the front gate at the main house, where they’d had to stop first to deliver the warrant. That’s where I was supposed to meet them too, but my need to follow the map was too strong. This was the last time I’d ever come here. After today, I would burn those morbid directions and never feel guilt for themagain.
In response to Casey’s questioning stare, I replied. “They’rewithme.”
* * *
Casey stayed behindfor the rest of my journey, although she did put up a good fight. I understood she wanted to be there for me, but this was something I needed to finish on my own. James, who’d arrived in one of the vehicles, remained at the barn with Casey. I didn’t need him because the closer I got to the end, the strongerIfelt.
#6 Due South. A single boulder in the meadow with five marks carved in the base of thestone.
I led the agents to the place on the map where the bodies could be found, and then stepped back out of the way and watched them work. Although there was some doubt amongst the FBI agents that anything would be found, I knew better. They were there, waiting. Soon their purgatory would come to an end, and then they wouldbefree.
It had taken me a long time to right the wrong, but now that I had, my hope was that there might just be a little bit of peace left over for me. My fate might have been tied to Ray’s, but he didn’t have any more rights to our story than I did. I could, and would, change the narrative. He didn’t get to write the ending.Idid.
About an hour into the dig, sudden activity caught my attention. I knew it then; I could feel it. They’d been found. The tightness in my chest instantly eased as I breathed out a sigh of relief. My voice low, I spoke to them for the last time. “Rest in peace,brothers.”
They were finallygoinghome.
* * *
Later that night,Casey and I were nestled under blankets by the fire and sipping hot chocolate. It was one of those rare nights in Los Angeles where the temperatures had dipped down into the 30s. And yes, while I was aware that such a temperature was considered downright balmy in some parts of the country, here in Southern California, we were a bunch of ridiculous cold weatherwusses.
“My toes are frozen solid,” Casey complained, before proceeding to prove it to me by running her ice-cubed digits alongmyleg.
“Stop it,” I protested, flinching away from her. “You’re going to give mefrostbite.”
“Speaking of frostbite, I’m worried about the orange trees out back. Do you think they’re going to freeze overanddie?”
I didn’t have a lot of experience with Arctic temperatures, but it seemed logical to assume that tropical trees would be as pampered and fragile as we So Cal babies were. “Probably,yes.”
“Maybe you should go out right now and pick the ripe oranges so they don’t all die and go towaste.”
“See, here’s where I question your use of pronouns. It sounded like you wanted justmeto go into the frigid outdoors… to pick orangesforyou.”
Casey laughed as she pulled the blanket higher. “Okay. You’re right. Let the oranges die a glacial death. If it’s a choice between juicy, colorful fruit and your ballsack, I’ll pick the family jewels any day. No way is this baby going to be an onlychild.”
“No way do I want ittobe.”
“Really?” she said, gazing up at me with stars in her eyes. “Youwantmore?”
“Well, let’s get this one out of you first, but yeah, whywouldn’tI?”
“Well, you weren’t real thrilled about this little one at first,” Casey whispered as she pointed to her extended belly. “I don’t want ittohear.”
Reaching my hands out, I cradled her stomach before bending down and kissing my baby. “I’mreadynow.”
