“What dotheysay?”
I leaned in, struggling to find the words. “They want me to setthemfree.”
22
Casey:Nesting
My parents madethe trip with Sydney and Riley. Although I was five months pregnant, my mother didn’t trust me to take it easy during our move to the new house, and if I was being honest with myself, neither did I. After the extreme fatigue and the up and down emotions of the first couple of months of my pregnancy, I was now five months along and feeling incredibly energetic. I’d taken to calling the baby Red Bull for the extra spring I now had in my step. And with the move and all, having my mojo back had been a major stepforward.
“How are you feeling?” my mother asked me for thehundredthtime.
“Happy.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Shebeamed.
“And you?” I lowered the shirt I was fixing to the hanger and checked for her reaction. She seemed to be searching for an answer. Her well-being and that of the kids was always at the forefront of my mind, and I worried that she was hiding her true feelings behind a stoicexterior.
“I’m happy too,” shereplied.
“Areyou?”
Mom took my hand. “The sadness will always be there, and I’ve accepted that, but I have to be thankful every day for the kids. When I think about how much worse it could have been…” her voice trailed off. “Did you know they’d originally planned to bring the kids with them to the restaurant thatnight?”
“Yes. Iheard.”
“So, you understand why I also feel grateful? They could all be gone, but instead I have these wonderful kids to watch grow, and they make your Dad and me feel young again. Riley’s just such a joy. His energy and boyish exuberance is so much like Miles at the same age that sometimes I feel like I’m raising him all over again. And Sydney…” Mom’s eyes filled with tears. “She’s like a beautiful, wild, raging river… all that intensity and strength, but with so many obstacles in her way. How she handles the changing courses will determine the woman she will one day be. I’ve never felt more essential and needed. I have her future in my hands, and I won’tfailher.”
“I know you won’t.” I smiled warmly at my awesome mom. “You’ve never failed any of us. And if I’m even half the mother you’ve been to me, my child will be solucky.”
“I don’t know, Casey. If you’re only half the mother I am, then I might have to step in and whip you into shape. This is my grandchild we’re talkingabout.”
I tossed a shirt at her. “Okay, then, I’ll be betterthanyou.”
“Well, now you’re just making crazy talk,” Mom said, grinning. “You know what I can’t wait for? Seeing Jake as adaddy.”
I stiffened a bit, knowing his reservations with fatherhood. “I know he’ll be great… but he’s notconvincedyet.”
“I can see that. Jake takes time to adjust to new situations. But he’ll come around because that man will do anythingforyou.”
“Including having a baby when he doesn’t reallywantone.”
Mom waved it off. “Sometimes men don’t know what they want. It’s up to us to gently guide them in the rightdirection.”
“You mean the direction we want them to go?” Icorrected.
“Yes, that’s what I said… the rightdirection.”
* * *
As the lastof the moving trucks exited through the front gate, Jake and I walked out to the circular driveway and took a moment to appreciate our new home. Although no way near the small, quaint homestead Jake had imagined, it was a place we could both get behind. Fully enclosed behind a security fence and shrouded by full, majestic trees sat our fairy tale home, with a multi-colored slate roof and a stone tower with ivy growing up the side. The grounds weren’t huge, at least not in Hollywood terms, but they provided for a nice amount of space for outdoor activities and included a pool, basketball court, and a little vegetable garden enclosed by – you guessed it – a white picketfence.
“Do you love it as much as I do?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head against hischest.
“I do. It feels like home. You know what I love best?” he asked, a smirk lifting up the corners ofhislips.
“Shut up.” I laughed, playfully punching him in the gut. We both knew what he was going to say – the guesthouse. The reason being that his mother-in-law would be in another building when she visited. That had been the running joke from the moment my parents had arrived, although it had been my mother, not Jake, who started the whole thing by insisting he’d bought the place specifically to keep her out of the main house. Jake had only run with thepunchline.
His jovial mood was a welcome change. There’d been a heaviness to his step for the past couple of weeks, and although he wouldn’t tell me why, it was clear the therapy sessions were to blame. Sometimes I wondered if they were making him worse, notbetter.
