Once I’d turned the tables on my tormentors, they retreated to the holes they’d crawled out of. As Emma drove up to the house, tears of hysteria rolling down her checks, I balked at her abandonment and turned to access my own car, my beautiful gray Charger, which Shelby had parked near the house. Running my hands over the still pristine paint, I thanked the lord in heaven that she hadn’t put a dent inmybaby.
“Is that your ride?” she called out, still trying to get herself undercontrol.
“It is, and wasn’t it nice of my mother not to wrap it aroundatree?”
“Sosweet.”
Stinging pain still radiating through my lower limbs, I staggered over to Emma’s car and propped my elbow on top, panting. “Did I or did I notwarnyou?”
“You warned me. I just never could have imagined that it would become a full-on reenactment ofSavingPrivateRyan.”
“Yes, I’m glad you enjoyed the special presentation. That was all for show – the latest in the Perry family interpretive theatergroup.”
“That’s such a relief, Finn. For a minute there, I though you were a real-lifewuss.”
“No, no,” I said, playing along. “I’m only a coward on film. So do you still want to meet the fam, or have you seenenough?”
“Oh god no, this whole episode has only heightened my excitement,” she replied, exitingthecar.
“Okay, you asked for it. And by the way, don’t tell Shelby who your brother is. That’s not information she should have this early inthegame.”
“Shelby?” I called out as I helped Emma over a couple of boxes sitting just inside the front door. “What the hell are these for?” I asked no one inparticular.
A voice from the other room yelled back, “It’s a bird feeder. Can you carry it informe?”
Picking it up, I was shocked by the sheer weight. Emma followed me into the throne room where grandma Gigi reignedsupreme.
“Oh, wonderful,” she clapped. “I’ve been trying to get someone to bring that in here forthreedays.”
“Are you planning on feeding aneagle?”
“No. It was a special on QVC so Iboughtsix.”
Emma and I exchanged an alarmed glance. Gigi had a habit of hoarding, and in recent years she’d taken it online. I honestly had no idea how she had money left to keepbuying.
“You do understand that if you hang it, they will come,right?”
“Of course,” Gigi sighed, shaking her head as if I were one step up from the village idiot. “Isn’t that thepoint?”
“Well, I don’t know what the point is. You never leave the chair. When did you plan to witness this Southernmigration?”
“Come here, boy,” she demanded, snapping her grabber arm at me menacingly. I did as I was told. “Now get down on my level and what do you see? That’s right, a window. Now who’slaughing?”
She was talking about the one two rooms over. I seriously doubted she’d see an eagle smashing into the panes much less a family of swallows enjoying an afternoon snack. Of course, my opinion meant nothing, judging by the threatening expression on her face, and I took that as my cue to drop the conversation entirely. There was nowhere to gobutdown.
“Oh, you’re here. Thank god,” Shelby said, coming out from the kitchen. “The kids have been bugging me for hours. They’ve been hiding in bushes all morning waitingforyou.”
“Youknewthis would happen?” I asked, gesturing toward my multihued clothing. “They were shooting uphercar.”
Shelby wasn’t listening; in fact, she’d lost complete interest in me the moment her focus landed squarelyonEmma.
“Well, hello there, I’m Shelby, Finn’s sister. Nice to meet you,” she said, with a greedy scan of her eyes. She reached herhandout.
Gigi’s head snapped back and her eyes widened in surprise as if Emma had suddenly materialized out of thin air. With that attention for detail, there was no way Gigi would be witnessing a bird convention outside herwindow.
As Emma was reciprocating the greeting, Shelby, always the subtle one, turned to me and mouthed loudly enough to be heard, “Is she theskank?”
“Shelby!” I admonished, glancing over toward Emma in hopes she hadn’t heard.Shehad.
