Case in point was the owner of a skate and surf shop who was standing before me now. The money for Keith’s business had come from a very rich and very generous musician, one who just happened to share his last name. Keith might not have minded taking handouts, but I did. I liked my quiet little existence, but more importantly, I liked paying for it on my own. That didn’t mean I wasn’t open to bonuses from time to time, generally in the form of plane tickets, hotels, and all-expenses-paid family trips like the one I was about to enjoy thisweekend.
By the time we’d made it into the living room, Keith was already picking items off my coffee table and rearranging them, something he did strictly because he knew it annoyed me. I purposely ignored hisnettling.
“So how was work?” heasked.
“Actually, pretty good… only three death threats against meyesterday.”
“Well,nowwe’re talking.” Keith nodded his approval and then gave me a high five. “Nicejob,Emma.”
“Thanks. It feels good to be soloved.”
“I’m sure.” Keith handed me the bag of fruit he was still carrying. “Mom told me to give thesetoyou.”
“Oh, yay. I’m going to make fresh-squeezed orange juicelater.”
“Oh, yay!” he mimicked in a girly voice, and then took it a step further by throwing his hands up in a gleeful display of faked happiness. “Nice to see you’ve got big planstonight.”
“Oh, shit!” I exclaimed, suddenly remembering my evening with Casey. “Never mind. I’ll have to squeeze the citrus on anothernight.”
“So youdohave plans?” Keith raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Ahotdate?”
“Yep. Withagirl.”
“All right. Uh huh, a bit of girl-on-girl action never hurt anyone. Oh, hold on… now all I can picture is your face in the equation. Thanks for ruining the fantasyforme.”
“Shut up. It’s with Casey, youcreep.”
“Huh. Casey, you say?” Hegrinned.
“Keith!” I slapped him in the arm. “Do not let Jake know you’re lusting afterhisgirl.”
“Not lusting… just appreciative. I’m a guy. Our eyes are genetically engineered to admire attractive women. It all stems back to thecavemandays.”
“Somehow I feel your logic is wrong on this, but I’m going to cut you some slack because I know your elevator doesn’t stop on everyfloor.”
Not even the least bit offended, Keith nodded his agreement as he continued his exploration of my belongings. Picking up a colorful porcelain origami crane, Keith examined it before making a face and asking, “Why do youneedthis?”
“I don’t. I just like it. Putitback.”
He didn’t, instead pretending to makeitfly.
I snatched my crane from his hand and returned it to the shelf. “Notouching.”
“You know, Jake getting married still freaks me out a little bit,” Keith said, without taking his eyes off the damn crane.Move along, buddy.“I mean, what are the chances that out of all of us, Jake would be the first tomarry?”
“He wouldn’t be if you’d gotten your act togethersooner.”
Keith picked up the crane again and held it out in front of him, threatening to drop it. “Take it back,” he demanded. “Take it back or thebirddies.”
He’d just been waiting for the opportunity to murder my crane. I lunged for it but Keith was too quick, deftly skirting the breakable bird behind his back before I could save it. “All I’m saying…” – he stopped mid-sentence to smirk at my pathetic rescue efforts – “is ten years ago I thought Jake would be drooling in a mental hospital right about now, but look at him. Our little psycho hasgrownup.”
“Keith,” I said, shaming him with my disapproval. “Could you be any more politicallyincorrect?”
“What? He doesn’t care. I call him that allthetime.”
“No, you don’t, because if you did, he’d beat the shit out of you on a regularbasis.”
“Please. Jake’s got nothingonme.”
