I cringed andlookedaway.
“Seriously, Emma! You’re putting thisonme?”
“No.” I grabbed for him, but he flinched away. “Notyou. Just what happened to you. I’m entitled to be scarred by it. You don’t have a monopolyonthis.”
“Is this because of what I told you?AboutGlen?”
I really was trying to keep a neutral expression, but Jake saw right through me.Yes, okay, that damn story scarred me for life. Why the hell did you pick me to purge yourguiltysoul?
“Not just that. You don’t know what happened when youweregone.”
“I wasn’t just gone,” Jake spat. “You act like on was on a fuckingvacation.”
Oh, shit. Now he was really agitated. How had this conversation deteriorated sorapidly?
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. Let me start over. When you were in the clutches of an evil madman, Mom completely fell apart. Her loss consumed her. She stopped living. She gave up on everyone, including you. I vowed never to love that hard because it only leads to unbelievableheartbreak.”
“So, let me get this straight. You’re going to give up on the only thing that makes life worth living – love – just so you can stick ittoMom?”
“What?” My voice was high-pitched and offended. How the hell did he get to that conclusion? “No. I neversaidthat.”
“You didn’t have to. It’s so obvious. You’ve always blamed her, as if none of it would have happened had she been a better mother, more attentive… that’s bullshit. I’m sorry she wasn’t there for you, Emma, and that sucks; but she was there for me. And I…I needed her more than you did back then. You want to know what kind of mother she is? She’s the kind that held my hand and helped me breathe when I thought the fear was literally going to eat me up from the inside out. She’s the kind who slept on the floor by my side for a year just so I wouldn’t have to be alone with my nightmares. She’s the kind who was handed a broken shell of a boy and painstakingly pieced him back together again. And, Emma, she’s the one who gave me back the music, which ultimately saved my damn life. So if you’re worried that you’ll be just like Mom… well, I say, you should be solucky.”
Sometimes in lifeyou just need a swift kick in the ass. Jake did that for me, leaving me shell-shocked and bruised in his wake. I was forced to reevaluate everything I’d held true for so long. Maybe Mom had done the best she could with what she’d been dealt. Maybe this wasn’t fear. Maybe this had always just been my way of punishing the woman I blamed for every damn thing in my life; and if that were true, I had many years of atonement not only to my mother but to myself, as well. My god, had I just wasted tenyears?
* * *
The womanwho opened the door to Finn’s new bungalow was young, gorgeous, barefoot, and wearing a soft white beach cover-up that reached mid-thigh. I could see the outline of her yellow bikini beneath the flimsy fabric. Her sun-streaked wavy hair wore the telltale signs of having recently been dipped in the ocean water… probably after spending the day with the father ofmybaby.
We stared at one another for a moment before she asked in a friendly voice, “Can Ihelpyou?”
Fresh, pretty, and sweet – the flip side of my coin. Apparently Finn was taking a break from psycho bitches, and I couldn’t say I blamed him. Why I’d pictured him as still single was beyond me. Finn was the full package, and I should have expected that women would be going after him the minute I shut the door onhisface.
“IsFinnhere?”
Her expression instantly transformed from pleasant and sweet to predatory and defensive. Oh, yeah, she’d claimed him all right. Her eyes pierced through me like an invasive TSAscreening.
“Whoareyou?”
“Is he here?” I ignored her question to repeatmyown.
“No. Sorry. He’s not home right now, but I can tell him you stopped by, ifyoulike.”
The moment she finished her sentence, Finn’s earnest laughter rang out in the background. He was happy again. My heart clenched further. He’d definitely moved on. I’d waited too long, and now he was blissful and healthy and dating a hotsurfergirl.
“You’re Emma, right?” she asked, trying to remain casual, but the tone had an undeniable challenge to it. She was ready to fight to defend herterritory.
“Yes.”
“Well, Emma,” – she said my name like it was a dirty word – “do you really think seeing him is the right thing to do? You broke him in half, and now that he’s finally healing, you want to come back and do it all over again. I won’t let you hurt him any more than youalreadyhave.”
Her words stung but certainly were not without merit. I actually appreciated this pixie girl’s commitment to Finn. Just the fact that he’d had support through this all was encouraging, even if it was in the form of a young, gorgeous woman who wanted to rip my head clean off my shoulders. Unfortunately for her, I had no intention of debating my worth to anyone but Finn, and with that in mind, I pushed the door open and muscled my way in. Beach girl had nothing on my stately frame as I breezed past her, stealthily evadingcapture.
I headed straight for the voices in the kitchen, and as I rounded the corner, I saw Finn, a guy I assumed to be Richie and an older woman I assumed to be his rich divorcée girlfriend. All three turned their heads to stare as I came into view with the barefoot blonde nearly running into the back of me when Istopped.
“I told her you didn’t want to see her but she wouldn’t listen,” surfer girl rattedonme.
There was no way to read the emotion on Finn’s face. He was justblank.
