The confessions ended, and I actually had to console an overly emotional Dale. He had been adamant about voting for Kenzie earlier in the day, but I wondered if Carl’s story had changed his mind. Going into the night, I still had no idea what I was going to do. In the height of my anger, I’d sworn to myself that Carl would get my vote, but I felt myself wavering now.
One by one we were each allowed to address the three finalists. Lena fielded the most attacks on her character, but Kenzie got her fair share of hate as well. Several of the ousted players knocked her for riding on my and Dale’s coattails, when in reality I’d ridden on hers. They could say what they wanted about her – hell, I could say what I wanted – but I knew the truth. Kenzie was a strong, fierce competitor, and she wasn’t sitting up there in the winner’s circle because she’d been hiding behind a man hoping for her moment to shine.
When it was my turn to speak, I kept my questions generic. I didn’t care what any of them had to say. My decision would not be based on their answers tonight, they would be based on the people I knew them to be. And for that reason, despite the fact that Kenzie had betrayed me in the cruelest of ways, I wrote her name down on the paper, voting for her to win.
TV Confessional
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
—Kyle
32
Kenzie: Homecoming
After the voting was complete, Lena, Carl, and I were whisked away for physical checkups and later to a hotel away from the other players. Because the winner wouldn’t be announced until the final show aired in December, they didn’t want us discussing the vote with the members of the jury. I was thankful that I didn’t have to face Kyle one-on-one. His anger hadn’t surprised me, but the fact that he couldn’t even look at me spoke volumes to the level of hurt he was carrying with him. He viewed his ousting as a personal attack. He felt betrayed. I couldn’t say I’d have reacted any differently if I’d been in his shoes.
Once in the privacy of my own hotel room, I finally broke down and cried. I was exhausted both physically and mentally. The verbal beatdown I’d received at the ceremony left me feeling conflicted and dejected. I showered four times that day, yet I still felt dirty. I wanted to explain myself to Kyle, but I knew he wouldn’t listen. Obviously any chance I might have had with him romantically had been destroyed, but what I worried about more was losing his friendship. That was going to be a harder pill to swallow.
I didn’t see Kyle again until the flight back to Los Angeles. I was already sitting in my seat when he came walking down the center aisle. Our eyes met. His were hard and unforgiving; mine were sad and remorseful. He looked away immediately. I reached for his hand as he passed by, and although he did not recoil, Kyle continued walking until his hand dropped from mine. And that was that. We made the trip home without a word. My island boy was no more.
Once I arrived at LAX, I had to rush to catch my connecting flight to San Francisco. Dale was already there waiting for me at the gate, since we were headed to the same airport. When I saw him, I broke down. Gallantly, Dale embraced me.
“I’m so sorry. I know you and Kyle hate me. I’m so sorry,” I cried on his shoulder.
“I don’t hate you, Kenzie. And neither does Kyle. He’ll come around. Give him time.”
“You didn’t see the way he looked at me.”
Dale hugged me until the flight attendants announced the last call. They seemed a little hesitant to move me along, obviously feeling compassion for the emotional state I was in, but certainly not willing to hold up a flight because I was being a crybaby.
“This will all blow over. I’ll talk to Kyle. I promise.”
“Okay.” I snorted the snot back up my nose in a less than ladylike fashion. I was a mess and didn’t even try to hide it. “Can you give him my phone number?”
Dale took out his phone, and after an overly extended period of time trying to bring up the address book, I took the phone from him and added my information in fifteen seconds flat. I felt better knowing that Dale would go to bat for me. If Kyle would listen to anyone, it would be him.
After landing in San Francisco, I boarded the third and final flight of the day. It was a short jaunt to Eureka. As I descended the stairs and walked across the tarmac and into the terminal, my dad and siblings were there to greet me, and the sadness melted away. This was my family. The reason I’d played the game. No one here cared that I was a lying, backstabbing bitch… well, they probably would care if they knew, but I planned to omit that distasteful piece of information until shortly before the show aired in a few months’ time. Honesty was always the best policy, but in this particular instance, I just didn’t give a crap. What I needed now was some unconditional love.
* * *
My first weekhome was spent sleeping and eating. Life went on around me, but I needed time to readjust to the real world. One morning I woke to find my dad in the kitchen making his breakfast. He scooped some eggs onto a plate and handed them to me instead.
“Here, you need to put some meat on those bones.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He nodded, staring at me for an uncomfortably long time.
“What?” I asked, looking up from my breakfast.
“You seem different.”
“I feel different,” I agreed, in a low, passive voice.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been subdued since you got home. Did anything happen that I need to know about?”
“You know I can’t talk about it, Dad.”
