As if sensing my apprehension, Carl approached. “It’s the right move, and you know it.”
“But he’s my friend.”
“And you’re mine – and I wouldn’t hesitate to cut you down if it meant winning a million dollars.”
“That’s comforting.”
“It’s a game, Kenzie. Take the emotions out of it.”
“That’s not so easy, and you know it.”
Carl was the only one who knew my true feelings for Kyle. “I’m not saying it will be easy, but you know it’s your only chance.”
I nodded, tears flooding my eyes. “If I did that to him, he’d never forgive me.”
“But a million dollars will wipe away countless tears.”
I slipped away from the others then, needing to be alone with my thoughts. I especially didn’t want the pressure from the others to make the decision for me. I knew what I was facing. If I sent him home, I’d lose the guy. If I kept him, I’d lose the money. There was no scenario where I could have both. My choice was grim: Kyle or my family.
“Hey.” Kyle came out from around the tree and startled me. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t feeling good.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing exciting. Just cramps.”
“Oh, geez, say no more,” he grinned. “And I mean it.”
I smiled, but, in reality, I was miserable. How could I betray him?
“You seem a little emotional. Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” I answered, forcing a smile on my face. “You ready?”
Kyle grabbed my hand and squeezed.Us to the end. That had always been the plan; and what kind of a person would I be if I turned on Kyle now? Even if I didn’t win, I’d still have my dignity and pride… and a possibility with the guy. No, I would stay true to my word. I would stay true to Kyle.
* * *
The night wasdark and stormy, only magnifying the terrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Last minute scrambling by Carl and Lena had broken down my resolve, and I was once again questioning my reasoning to keep Kyle in the game. My wavering went right down to the wire, and when it was my turn to vote, I stood there numb with indecision.
As the rain drenched my hair and sent chills down my spine, I thought about Kyle and his faith in me. In any other situation, he’d be right to trust in my integrity. I was, after all, the girl who put everyone else’s well being before her own. I was the girl who was letting the promise of a boy rule my world. But tonight I didn’t want to be that meek girl. I wanted to be a strong, determined woman who benefitted from making her own decisions. And so I did. I chose me.
Yet the minute the paper left my trembling hand, there was no feeling of empowerment or vindication. There was just overwhelming dread. In a few minutes, Kyle would know what I’d done, but he wouldn’t know why… nor would he care. I’d betrayed him, lied straight to his face. How could I have done such a thing? Kyle wasn’t just a boy crush. He was the man I’d fallen in love with. Suddenly I felt dirty and oh, so sorry.
As I slunk back to where the others were gathered, I passed by the jury, former players who’d earlier been eliminated from the game. The jury members watched each Council, and the information they gathered from it helped them make the final decision of who deserved to win the prize money. Dale was there, having obviously recovered from his illness.
I could feel him staring as I returned to my place on the log. Tilting my head up, I reluctantly met his gaze. Dale’s eyes swelled in shock upon seeing the uncertainty and strife in mine. He shook his head as if to sayNo, you didn’t.I bowed my head in shame.Oh, yes, I did.
In a nod to his exceptional character, Kyle’s confidence in me never wavered. Not when I wrote his name down on the sheet. Not when he received the first vote. Not even when he received the second. But when the third vote was pulled from the box and his name was written on it, Kyle knew I’d betrayed him. I covered my face with my hands, refusing to look at him. I knew what I would see if I dared chance a peek. The hurt and confusion would be palpable. So I allowed Kyle to walk out of the game, without even giving him the courtesy of a goodbye.
TV Confessional
“I’m sorry.”
—Kenzie
29
