His mouth covered in tape, Jake had only his eyes to speak, and they were fraught with warning. What are you saying? What do you want me to do?
“Kyle?”
A hand touched my back, shaking me. I bolted upright, sweat rolling down my face. I darted my eyes around in a panic, looking for Jake before landing on Kenzie’s worried face. I knew I had to focus and do the breathing.It’s just a nightmare. It’s not real… just a nightmare.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“Yeah…” I exhaled, a tremor rumbling through my body. “I’ll be… just give me a second.”
Kenzie nodded, her eyes were trained on me. Thankfully she didn’t say anything. Once I got my wits about me, I glanced around, looking for the camera guys who were never far away, even in the middle of the night. “Did they get that on film?”
“No, I don’t think so. I just woke up myself.”
I dragged in some oxygen. My heart was still pounding. You’d think, after all this time, I would be used to them. It was always the same general dream, but the outcome changed every time, keeping me guessing and worried for the next one to invade my sleep. In reality, though, they weren’t really nightmares at all, but memories revisited. Thankfully, my mind had given me a reprieve for the past few months, making me hopeful that they would be warded off during my stint on the island. And I’d almost made it. Five days left. Really? I inhaled another ragged breath, and realized her hand was still rubbing my back.
“Do you get those often?” she asked.
“No. I was dreaming about being eaten by a shark. No biggie.”
She nodded as if appeasing me, but I knew she didn’t buy it. To her credit, she didn’t push. I lay back down on the hard wood flooring. She copied me.
“Sorry if I woke you,” I whispered. I was getting really damn tired of being a slave to these nightmares. Usually after one occurred, it took time for me to recover. Going back to sleep immediately following one of them was the worst thing possible as it almost guaranteed me a journey right back into hell. For that reason, I always got out of bed and went to watch TV or play video games, anything to take my mind away from that day. But here, with cameras all around, I had no choice but to pretend it hadn’t happened and force myself to stay put on the bamboo floor. Cold, clammy chills spread through me, and I shivered.
Kenzie reached her hand out and gently touched my face. I lifted my eyes to meet hers, and the kindness and compassion I found staring back at me made me wonder why I wasn’t looking at this woman with a more objective eye. She was sweet and determined and beautiful, and for some unknown reason, she saw something in me that she liked. Why was I important to her? What had I done to deserve her loyalty? And why in the hell wasn’t I jumping at the chance to be with her?
I traced my finger over her lips, and she blinked back her surprise. We didn’t speak as I explored her face. I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, but at that moment I guess I just needed her. Kenzie’s eyes stayed glued to mine as I leaned in and my lips brushed past hers. Two or three light kisses followed before the familiar sound of footsteps descended upon us and I pulled away. The look on Kenzie’s face was one of confusion but also one of joy. Suddenly I felt like the biggest shithead ever. I should never have kissed her if I wasn’t willing to back it up. Had I just changed the rules of the game?
With the cameras surrounding us, I flipped over, my back to her, and pretended to be asleep. After a good half hour of trying to downplay the kiss in my head, and then another ten minutes of inner panic, I felt arms wrap around me from behind. Surprised, I glanced over my shoulder.
“You’re shivering. I’ll warm you up.”
“Kenzie…” I started to say. She was way too good for me, especially seeing as I was such a gigantic douche.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. Her sincere, caring eyes met mine. “Please don’t say anything… not tonight.”
I turned back around and laid my head down once more. She was giving me a pass for the night, and I couldn’t help but be incredibly grateful for those few sleepless hours I’d been gifted in order to get my story straight. I blamed my lack of judgment on the nightmare. There was nothing like a visit from Ray to rattle my bones.
I was far from sleep now, but I stayed quiet for Kenzie’s sake. My mind was still reeling from the nightmare, and the kiss and knowledge that Carl and Lena were gunning for me. I needed to pull it all together and get through the last few days. Tomorrow, I told myself, I was going to wake up and be the Kyle that could win this damn game: strong, smart, focused. Basically, I just needed to be the opposite of the guy I was in my everyday life.
I hadn’t realized that Kenzie was awake until I heard her yawn. No one was more loyal to me than that woman. I needed to sort out my feelings for her before it was too late.
Feeling warmer and more relaxed, I whispered, “You know, I read somewhere that if someone is really cold, the fastest way to warm them up is skin to skin contact.”
“I think that procedure is for people who have nearly frozen to death,” she replied, her voice heavy with fatigue.
“I don’t think so,” I countered playfully, feeling more like myself now.
“I’m not getting naked for you, Kyle,” Kenzie giggled. “But nice try.”
“Fine,” I jokingly huffed. “I’ll just freeze to death.”
Kenzie grunted but didn’t respond. A few minutes later I heard her soft breathing. I smiled. The funny thing was, I knew that if I really were freezing to death, Kenzie would stop at nothing to save me. And then a realization hit me like a brick: I’d do the same for her. Suddenly I knew what I wanted. My body relaxed. With Kenzie’s arms snug around me, I fell back to sleep.
TV Confessional
“What relationship? Kenzie and I are just friends.”
—Kyle
