Kenzie reached back to smack me, but her hand hit air and she just gave up.
The bug wiggled in my fingers. I tried to hold on but he had other plans and made an impressive escape. “Oh, shit. It jumped. Sorry, Dale.”
“Yeah, it’s okay. I wasn’t all that invested in it anyway.”
“Did you know that one in every four animals on earth are beetles?” Marsha piped up.
“Yes,” Carl said, barely able to control his frustration. “And do you know why we know, Marsha? Because you’ve said it over one hundred times.”
Once we’d figured out that Marsha’s knowledge wasn’t limitless, just on a loop, it was tough to have the patience to deal with her repetitiveness.
“Hardly,” she answered with a wave of her hand, completely brushing Carl off.
“Here’s one for you Marsha,” Dale challenged. “Did you know the Rubik’s cube can always be solved in twenty moves or less?”
“Of course,” she rolled her eyes. “Sometimes you act like I’m two.”
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“Do you know what the world record is?” she parried, an air of superiority in her question.
“Six seconds,” Dale answered confidently.
“Wrong. The world record is 5.55 seconds.”
“Too bad I don’t have the Internet so I can fact check you.”
“You don’t need it. I’m a walking encyclopedia,” Marsha answered smugly.
“Of regurgitated facts,” Carl mumbled. “I can’t believe there even is a website to fact check stupid shit like that.”
“They have videos of cats licking their asses, Carl,” I answered helpfully. “Why not geek trivia sites?”
“Really? Cats licking their butts?” Marsha asked, seemingly intrigued. I got a visual of her going home and googling it.
“Well, did you know the Rubik’s cube was invented to help explain three dimensional geometry?” Dale said, not ready to give up on his incredibly stimulating conversation.
“Dale, please don’t insult my intelligence.”
Kenzie, Carl, and I looked at each other in amusement. Dale and Marsha could do this all day if we let them, and sometimes they did. I wondered if when I was old and decrepit like them I’d have as much useless information floating around in my head. Somehow I didn’t think I would.
In an attempt to break up their incredibly nerdy pissing contest, I said, “Hey Dale, how is that hill on your leg coming along?”
“It’s swollen to twice its size.”
“Any whitehead yet?”
“You know there isn’t, Kyle,” Dale replied, with just enough edge in his voice to make it funny. “You ask me every few hours. When it’s ready to pop, you’ll be the first to know.”
And as sad and pathetic as it was, I genuinely felt that witnessing the eruption of Dale’s pus-filled abscess would be one of the highlights of my time on the island. Just the fact that Dale would allow me to share in his special moment made me love him even more.
* * *
“Who’sup for a little team bonding?” Kenzie asked.
Without bothering to open my eyes, I raised my hand. As hungry and exhausted as I was, if possible I was even more bored. And since Kenzie was willing to put forth the effort to entertain me, I was all for it.
“Good. Kyle. Anyone else?”
