“What?”
“Put yourself down?”
“I’m not putting myself down,” I replied, defensively.
“Yeah, you are. Since revealing your secret, you’re acting like a different person, like you don’t have any confidence in yourself. It’s weird.”
Was I really? I had to scan back through my behavior to see if she had a point, and then I realized: the minute we started talking about Jake, I got passive aggressive and self-deprecating. I’d never noticed that about myself before. I had to wonder if coming on the show was changing me for the better. Relying on myself really wasn’t as hard as I’d thought it would be. As much as I loved being part of Jake’s crazy rock star life, maybe I didn’t love the corner I’d been crammed into. Maybe I was just as trapped in my world as Kenzie was in hers. Did I really want to be someone’s sidekick for the rest of my life? Not particularly. But did I deserve a life of my own? That was the question I wasn’t sure how to answer.
Kenzie looked up at me with her Disney princess eyes, and then she placed her hand on my arm. “You don’t like talking about your life, do you?”
“It’s complicated.” I shrugged. “I have to be careful what I say. Jake’s scrutinized enough without me adding to his woes. Besides, people aren’t all that interested in talking to me anyway.”
“I don’t believe that. You can’t tell me you don’t have girls knocking down your door, Kyle.”
“No, I do – but only if Jake’s behind it.”
“Liar,” she grinned.
“I’m not lying, Kenzie. When Jake’s around, I’m background noise.”
She shook her head, not entirely buying my story. “Well, if that’s the case, maybe you need to venture out more, because I promise you, if you were to show up in my hometown, you would most definitelynotbe background noise.”
“Ehh, and drive all the way to Humboldt County? No thanks.”
Kenzie laughed, touched my arm, and said, “I hope you know I’m not most girls. I don’t care what your last name is. I think you’re a great guy. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Wow, such enthusiasm. How could you think otherwise? I didn’t know who your brother was until today, and I’ve still let you spoon me every night this week.”
A smile broke out across my face. She was right about that. Even if you didn’t count my breakfast boners, Kenzie and I had been getting all kinds of funky on that hard wood flooring. I loved making her blush with my sexually suggestive comments every evening just before assuming the position. “You know you love it.”
“As far as skilled spooners go, you aren’t bad… a solid six.”
“Six? Clearly I need to bring more dick into play. I just didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”
Kenzie peered up at me with an expression of surprise. “What made you think I wouldn’t appreciate it?”
“You always give me that look when I wake up with a boner.”
“Because you’re always making up some lame excuse, like that time when you said you were dreaming about pizza. Who gets a hard-on from Italian food?”
I raised my hand and smiled sheepishly. We both laughed.
“So why all the excuses?” she asked.
“You’re not that type of girl.”
“What type of girl?”
“The type who jumps into it with just anyone.”
“You’re not just anyone, Kyle. I’d jump into it with you in a second.”
My eyes caught hers, and, no doubt seeing the confusion in mine, Kenzie turned bright red and broke the contact. Oh, shit. Shewasinto me. That look she gave me on the beach… that was exactly what I’d thought it was. Something in the tone of her voice and the sincerity of her words caught me totally off guard. The minute the words left her mouth, I could tell Kenzie regretted them.
Okay, not good. How had I not seen it coming? I mean, sure, we flirted back and forth all the time, but I thought it was just playful fun. She was cute and fun and sweet, but she was the opposite of the practice women I went after. Kenzie was marriage material, and I was nowhere near that stage in my life. In fact, I didn’t know if I would ever be there. The lifestyle I led didn’t exactly lend itself to long-term commitment.
