“A little, I guess. I’m excited.”
“That’s good,” she nodded, although I didn’t get the impression she actually thought it was good. Obviously there was more to her questioning than just idle chit-chat.
Mom inhaled slightly, and I saw her splayed fingers tighten on the countertop. I met her eyes with my own. I knew that look well. Mom had never been good at concealing her anxiety.
“What’s wrong?”
“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into, Kyle?”
“The show?” I asked.
“No – the fame that will come with it.”
“I’m not Jake, Mom,” I scoffed.
“You underestimate yourself. You’re a likeable, funny guy. Pair that with the fact that the producers are going to exploit your connection to Jake… it will be instant celebrity.”
“Does that bother you?”
“It worries me.”
“Why?”
“Look what it’s done to Jake.”
“No offense, Mom, but fame didnotdo this to Jake.”
Oh, yeah. I went there.Daggers shot from Mom’s eyes. We’d never been allowed to openly discuss Jake’s issues. It was a sticky subject in our house. Mom preferred to pretend that he was totally fine and completely unaffected by the crime that had shaken our family to its core ten years ago. I understood she did that for Jake’s sake, to help him feel normal as he healed, but I’d always resented it.
It’s not like my siblings and I had existed in a germ-free bubble of oblivion while all that shit was going down with our brother. We’d had a front row seat to the unraveling of Jake’s life… hell, the unraveling of all our lives. Even though so many years had passed, it still irked me that we had to tippy-toe around the subject.
“I’m just saying, put the blame squarely where it belongs,” I bravely added.
Mom stared me down for an uncomfortably long time before finally saying, “It’s just, I’ve seen the things they say about Jake, and I don’t want that for you.”
“If you had concerns, why didn’t you say something before?” I asked, annoyance creeping out through my words.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Probably not. But dumping it on me now when there’s nothing I could do about it even if I wanted to… that sucks.”
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” she replied chewing on her bottom lip. “I just want to know that you’re prepared for what’s coming. You seem to not really get it.”
“What is there to get? I know what fame is. I live with it everyday.”
“I know… it’s just… Jake casts a wide shadow, and tomorrow you'll step out from under it in a big way.”
* * *
The talkwith Mom had made me jittery. I wasn’t so sure of my decision anymore. Was I actually ready for the media attention? I’d always been the invisible brother. The cameras flashed for Jake, not me. Even what happened last night with Sarah had unnerved me. Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I was being totally naïve. Was I really cut out for the spotlight?
Last night was fun. Don’t forget about me on the island.
The text was from Sarah. I’d met up with her at the hotel last night. I was hoping for a quickie so I could get home early, but she had other plans. The minute she opened the door, I knew we would not be staying in. Sarah was dressed to impress, and something told me it wasn’t for my sake.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“I thought we could hang out with some friends of mine tonight.”
