“We had Marsha to even things out,” Kyle joked. “Emma, this is Kenzie.”
“Hi, nice to meet you, and I’m sorry about my brother’s stupid comment,” she grinned. “He can be an idiot sometimes, but he means well.”
I laughed. “It’s all good. My father didn’t hurt him, so that’s positive.”
“It really is a wonder Kyle isn’t beaten up more often.”
“Emma, you’re supposed to be making me look good.”
“Oh, in that case, this guy’s a keeper,” she said with a smile.
Emma and I chatted for a few minutes until Dale pulled us away to meet his family. As Kyle hit it off with Dale’s kids, I chatted up his wife. She thought it was hysterical how Kyle had hipped up her husband and now he was the most popular carpool dad at the school. We also met Carl’s daughter, Trina. She was unmistakably his, with her red curly hair and spattering of freckles. And at only ten years old, she was already taller than me. But physical features aside, Trina differed from her dad in a very important way: she was filled with confidence and happiness. I smiled at Carl as she chattered aimlessly with me. He shrugged his wide shoulders and went back to adoring her.
Once Trina was shooting the breeze with Kyle, Carl pulled me aside and gave me a hug.
“I couldn’t have won without you, Kenzie. I owe you so much. If you need any money or anything…”
“No, I’m good. I won a nice little sum myself. I’m happy for you. You deserved it.”
“I don’t know about that.” He shook his head. “Go out there and make a life for yourself. You understand? Don’t compromise.”
“I won’t.”
* * *
Kyle was leaning into me, almost on my lap, and his hands were roaming my body as our mouths worked furiously. He was with me, but I could tell he wasn’t reallywith me. Even this make-out session seemed his way of appeasing me. I’d been here for four days, but aside from our first night together, we’d spent the rest of our time at the hospital. I knew he was trying to squeeze in time with me while still staying devoted to Jake, but the stress of the situation was wearing him down. Instead of my company being a good thing for Kyle, it seemed to just be adding to his anxiety levels. If he was with me, Kyle felt guilty for being away; and if he was with his brother, he was worrying about me sitting alone on a chair outside Jake’s hospital room. I tried to reassure him that I didn’t need entertaining, but Kyle kept trying to carve out moments like this to spend with me.
Waking up this morning, I knew what needed to be done, for his sake. My family was driving back to northern California today, and I’d be making the trip back with them. I wanted to be there for Kyle, but not like this. It was clear that, at this moment in his life, there was no room for me, and it was selfish to stay if all was I doing was piling more weight onto his shoulders. Kyle’s devotion to his brother was absolute, and my presence was a distraction he hadn’t asked for.
He pushed me further down until he was on top of me, his hand between my legs. We were on the couch in the apartment, and there was a revolving door of his family members making their way through it at all hours of the day.
“Kyle, stop.”
“It’s okay. No one will be here for a while.”
“You have no way of knowing that,” I said, sitting up.
“I know.” He groaned and moved off me. “You’re right. Maybe we can go to Jake’s place later. I can’t now, but maybe… I don’t know when. Maybe later.”
His words only reinforced my decision. Kyle’s forehead was creased with strain, and his eyes looked tired and wary. I cupped his jaw and gave him a tender kiss.
“I think I have to leave,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry. I know I haven’t had much time today. Maybe tomorrow will be better. “
“I meant, go home.”
“Oh.” Kyle took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. He slumped over, running his hands through his hair and grasping the strands. We sat in silence, neither of us really knowing what to say. Kyle’s phone buzzed, and he checked it.
“Is everything okay?”
“Um, yeah. I might have to leave in a few minutes, though. The test results are back. Are you saying we’re done?”
“I’m saying you’re in no position to start a new relationship.”
“I’ve been trying, Kenzie. I’m doing the best I can.”
“I know that, but you’re trying too hard, and that’s why I have to go. If I could stay here and be a support for you, I would in a heartbeat, but that’s not what’s happening here and you know it. You need to be there for your family and not worrying about me.”
