"I never want to make you feel that way again."
"Then we need to find a different way to handle this. Because you're right too—I did take risks. Real risks. My exposure puts me in danger. Puts us in danger. I should have talked to you before launching that media campaign. Should have at least told you what I was planning. That was wrong of me too."
"You were trying to help—"
"I was going behind your back because I knew you'd say no. That's not partnership. That's not trust. We both fucked up, Elio. You tried to control me. I went behind your back. Neither of those things is okay."
I reached for his hand. He let me take it. His fingers intertwined with mine.
"How do we fix this?" I asked.
"We talk. We trust each other. We make decisions together when they affect both of us. You get to voice your concerns about risks I want to take. I get to make the final call about my own safety. And we both trust that the other person has good judgment and good intentions."
"I can do that. I want to do that." I squeezed his hand. "I love you. Not because you need protecting. Because you're brave and brilliant and you see me completely and choose me anyway. I love you because you're dangerous and capable and you challenge me to be better. I love you because when I'm with you I feel less alone than I've felt in years."
Julian's breath caught. "I love you too. I said it in the middle of a fight but I mean it. I love you because you see me as strong instead of fragile. Because you've given me freedom to be myself. Because you protect people you love even when it costs you something. Because underneath all that control, you're just someone who's afraid of losing people. And I understand that."
"I'm still scared," I admitted. "Of losing you. Of something happening that I can't stop. Of not being enough to keep you safe."
"Fear's okay. Fear keeps us smart. But it can't stop us from living. Can't stop us from taking risks that matter. Can't stop us from being partners instead of protector and protected."
"I'm learning that. It's hard but I'm learning."
Julian moved closer. Until there was no space between us. "Say it again. The way you should have said it the first time."
"I love you, Julian Bianchi. Completely. Terrifyingly. More than I thought I could love anyone. You walked into my life and destroyed every wall I'd built and I'm grateful for it. I love you."
"I love you too." He kissed me softly. "And I forgive you. For the things you said. For trying to control me. For not saying it back. I forgive you."
"I forgive you too. For going behind my back. For taking risks without telling me. For comparing me to your father even though I deserved it."
We sat there for a moment. Foreheads pressed together. Just breathing. Just being together after two days apart.
"We're okay?" Julian asked quietly.
"We're better than okay. We're going to be better. Learn from this. Do better next time."
"There's going to be a next time?"
"Probably. We're both stubborn. But we'll fight through it." I pulled back to look at him. "I'm not letting you go, Julian. Not because of a fight. Not because we hurt each other. We're going to figure this out together."
"Good. Because I'm not leaving either. Even when you're impossible. Even when I'm impossible. We're in this."
I kissed him. Poured everything I felt into that kiss. All the love and fear and regret and hope.
Julian kissed back with equal intensity. Pulled me closer. Made a sound in his throat that shot straight through me.
When we broke apart, we were both breathing hard.
"Bedroom," Julian said. "I need—I need to show you something."
"Show me what?"
"Trust." He stood and pulled me up. Led me to the bedroom. "You spent the last two weeks trying to control everything because you were scared. Now I need you to give up control. Let me lead. Trust that I know what I'm doing. Can you do that?"
My pulse kicked up. "Yes."
"Then get on the bed. On your back."
