Not romantic. Not the way either of us had imagined. But real. Honest.
And I'd missed it because I'd turned off my phone.
I typed a response:I'm ready to talk. But not like before. Really talk. Can you do that?
His response came within seconds:Yes. Where?
Our apartment. Tonight. 8 PM.
I'll be there.
I put down my phone and took a breath.
We'd fight for this. Fight for each other. Find the middle ground Stefan talked about.
Because he was right. This was worth it. Elio was worth it. We were worth it.
Even when it was hard. Even when we were both scared. Even when we hurt each other.
Love was worth fighting for.
I just hoped we could figure out how to fight together instead of apart.
CHAPTER 14: ELIO
I SPENT THEtwo days apart from Julian drowning in work and regret in equal measure.
Work was easier to process. I could review security footage. Analyze patterns in the moles' reports. Track financial transactions. Find answers to concrete questions.
Regret was messier. Harder to compartmentalize. Impossible to file away in neat categories.
I'd hurt him. Said terrible things. Compared his risk-taking to not loving me when the truth was I was terrified of losing him. Responded to his "I love you" by essentially saying he was reckless and stupid.
I'd texted him at 2 AM on the first night unable to sleep.I love you. I should have said it back.
No response. His phone was off.
By day two I'd accepted that I'd destroyed something I couldn't fix. That I'd pushed away the best thing that had happened to me in years because I couldn't handle my own fear.
Then Stefan came to my office looking grim.
"You and Julian need to talk. Actually talk. Not fight. Can you do that?"
"I don't know if he wants to talk to me."
"He does. He's hurt and angry but he loves you. Which means there's still a chance to fix this. Don't waste it." Stefan's expression was serious. "But Elio? You need to actually listen. Not just defend yourself. Not just explain why you were scared.Actually hear what he's saying about needing agency. Can you do that?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because if you fuck this up again, I'm going to let Matteo kick your ass."
Stefan left. Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzed with a text from Julian.
I'm ready to talk. But not like before. Really talk. Can you do that?
Relief flooded through me so intense it made my hands shake.
Yes. Where?
