“I have a feeling they’re about to get real busy,” I said, smiling.
There still wasn’t a clear path into the Old World, not like how there was with Faery or the Underworld, but with each passing month, Captain Vale reported the magic normally blocking him from entering was fading.
It meant we needed to build a relationship with the Primals, and Xerxes was willing to be that messenger. Right now, he was sitting on the council as their representative, but much like with the elections over the last couple of months that saw three officials chosen from each of the species—two witches and a mage, three shifters, three vampires, three demons, and to everyone’s surprise, three Seelie and Unseelie Fae, as well as a head of council, Elara Blackwood—there needed to be representation for the Primals.
Several witches wanted to return to study the changes in the land. There were vampires eager to see the remnants of their territory. Shifters who wanted to see their original Alpha—the dragons. Even the demons were curious about the palace of their first Queen.
But it all depended on what Phaedra and the other Primal Elders wanted—what they needed.
Once Xerxes explained the plague ofthraxdecimating their people and the annihilation of an entire underground city by Dante’s army, support efforts were offered. And I couldn’t be more proud of these creatures. They were proving me right day after day.
The creatures didn’t need a Queen. They just needed me as a presence, a reminder. And as we joined the rest of my mates outside the restaurant, I could easily be just that.
Adrian’s smile widened when his eyes landed on me, a rush of worry flooding the bond. The creature he’d been talking to paused, allowing my mate to walk towards us.
Immediately, I pushed a calming energy down the bond.The babies are okay,I said, offering him a calm smile.
“And are you?” he asked aloud, coming to a stop in front of us. “Are you feeling okay?”
My smile turned happy, my magic pulsing in my chest, pleased. His concern for me shouldn’t have made my magic so…happy. But I also couldn’t deny how relieved I was that his first instinct was still to check on me.
“I feel reassured,” I replied honestly.
Even though I’d been against the idea of having children so soon, the choice being taken from me had totally fucked me up. Whenever I thought I was over it—or at least, getting over the betrayal—I would wake up from another nightmare starring Dante with a scalpel in one hand, one of my screaming infants in the other, grinning down at me as he fed them to his hellhounds. Or it was waking up thinking I’d given birth, and the twins were missing from their cribs, stolen in the middle of the night by someone working for Dante. And like the bad mom I feared I was, I’d slept through it.
Elias’s hold on me became firmer, especially as he dropped a kiss to the top of my head. “It’s okay. We’ve got you.”
My mouth was suddenly dry when I tried to swallow. “I’m good,” I managed, clearing my throat. “Come on. Let’s not keep the others waiting.”
Maeve hummedunder her breath as she helped me lotion the angry red stretch marks lining my stomach. One day, the twinswere easily hidden away by the natural rolls of my belly. Almost protected by the very fat I used to be bullied over.
Now, I was huge. Not in a dramatic way, either.
My stomach had literally popped.
“You’ve been awfully quiet since your last appointment,” Maeve remarked without looking at me, her fingers gentle as they rubbed slow circles over my belly. “We worry,a mhuirnín.”
I released a heavy breath, gaze darting to the full-length mirror across from us. To the image of me I never thought I would see.
Now that I’d had time to sit on the fact that Iwaspregnant, and I’d talked to Thea about everything, it made me realise it wasn’t that I hadn’twantedthese babies. Of course, the fact Dante was involved at all made it worse. But my fear hadn’t come entirely from him.
I thought of Kerry. I’d been terrified of what might happen if I became her. Or worse, if I ended up in her position. Raising four children on her own after being abandoned not once, but twice…My mother and I had our differences, and yet despite them, I missed her. I could respect all she’d done, because maybe she’d been scared we would all end up like her: alone.
Kerry had internalised Andrew’s betrayal and put that on me. She hadn’t been fit by any standard; she had three kids under fifteen to care for and a twenty-two-year-old out of home. She never had time to look after herself. Andrew had taken off with the cliché pretty, younger—and very much skinny—secretary, leaving her to do it all alone.
I knew my mates were nothing like that. They could never leave me. Would never abandon us. And it wasn’t just our mate bonds that gave me that certainty.
Every day, they chose me. It was knowing Arthur helped the girls in the morning so I could sleep in, while Adrian made them breakfast and Rowan entertained them. It was Maeve and Hawkputting their resources into finding answers for Thea, while helping her and her parents find a place they could call their own. I felt it in Orion’s work as he, Xerxes, Elias, and Damon went from room to room to finish the house. We had a family dining room and a playroom for the girls. A fully functioning outdoor patio area where they could play, where we could exist as a family.
And there was so much more, little things that added up and reminded me I was loved, no matter what.
“I’m working through some things,” I replied honestly, watching Maeve set the bottle of lotion down, her blue eyes finding mine. “Reconciling beliefs I’ve had that don’t hold as much power over me anymore.”
“You can talk to us about this. We’re your mates. We can help you,” she murmured, rising slowly, hands cupping my stomach. Through the bond, I felt the same hesitation from her I’d been feeling over the last couple of months—a fear over what came next.
I covered her hands with my own, offering Maeve a gentle smile. “You’re already helping me more than you know.”
And she was—they all were. By staying, by working with me through this huge shift in our world. But there were some things I had to do on my own: like deal with the issues my mother left me—and the fears I could do the same to my own children.
