Parker nodded. “You definitely need to escalate your wooing.”
“The coffee cup he stole from me would say he’s already escalated,” Jace deadpanned.
Parker lifted an eyebrow in confusion, and I let out a silenthallelujahthat Jace hadn’t told him that little story yet.
My use of that coffee cup was another memory that gave me an instant erection, though, so I really needed to redirect.
Parker crossed his arms, leaning back on his heels. “So, what’s it gonna be, then? It’s best to go into these things with a plan. We would know.”
Theywouldknow, the little psychos.
Although it was becoming very clear to me that I’d joined them.
“Ooh, I came up with a few more. We could file a fake maintenance request claiming a gas leak. Whole building getsevacuated; she’s forced to stay with you. Easy,” offered Jace eagerly.
Parker snapped his fingers. “Or you could sign her up for a campus pest control inspection. And we could order those bedbugs again.”
I grimaced thinking of when Jace had opened the box and how they’d looked crawling around in the jar they’d been shipped in.
They’d been disgusting…but effective.
Jace shook his head. “That takes too long to ship. Matty-kins wouldn’t last forty-eight hours before he started climbing the walls.”
A week of space felt impossible. Fuck, a day did. The idea of her sleeping somewhere else had my pulse spiking.
I couldn’t end up like Parker, snapping and committing a felony all in the name of love.
And I was too pretty for prison.
“Or,” Jace said, his eyes lighting up like he’d just solved world hunger, “we flood her room. Burst a pipe, clog the drains, whatever. Whole floor’s underwater by morning. Building gets evacuated. She’s got nowhere to go but your place.”
I stared at him. “You want todrownher dorm?”
“Not drown,” he corrected, rolling his eyes. “Displace. Temporarily inconvenience. It would be very romantic.”
Parker tilted his head, considering. “Could work. But if you want maximum chaos, I say we unleash a pack of dogs in there. Let ’em pee everywhere. Instant biohazard. RA calls it in, health department shuts the floor down for a week.”
“Where the hell are you going to get a bunch of dogs?” I asked, thinking I actually liked that idea.
Parker grinned. “I bet Walker could help us out. Geraldine has a bunch.”
I shivered at the mention of Geraldine. The eighty-something-year old-woman lived on the same floor as Walker’s teammate, Camden. I’d met her at Thanksgiving. She’d smiled at me over gravy and said dramatically as she’d sipped a weird, glowing cocktail,I want you in my collection. I still don’t know what she meant, but it had made Ari Lancaster furious, so I didn’t think I actuallywantedto know.
Jace snapped his fingers. “Combine it. Floodanddogs. Wet dogs. Smells like wet dog piss. Uninhabitable. She’ll be begging to crash with you.”
I dragged a hand down my face, somewhere between laughing and genuinely concerned for their mental health. “I still can’t believe we’re talking about all of this with straight faces.”
“Believe it, bubs,” Jace said, clapping me on the shoulder. “The No Drama Llamas get results. And our girlfriendsdo notget away.”
I had to agree with that one. No, they did not.
“If none of those sound good, you can always force her to marry you,” Parker added, grinning.
I couldn’t help it. A small, involuntary smile slipped out.
“Yeah,” I said, deadpan. “Maybe I will.”
We’d just stepped inside the building, the door clicking shut behind us, and both of them went dead quiet.
