My whole body went still.
I didn’t breathe. Didn’t move. My pulse thundered in my ears.
Then Jace said something, Matty turned his head, and the moment broke.
I let out the breath I’d been holding, trembling.
The rest of the team began to scatter, some heading to the locker rooms, others toward the lot. Matty slowed down for a second when one of his coaches called his name. They slowly walked into the athletic building together, and I watched until I couldn’t see him anymore.
Only then did I start the car.
The headlights flicked on, washing the cracked pavement in white. I gripped the wheel tighter than I needed to, palms slick. I told myself it was time to go. That this was enough for one day.
But I didn’t move.
My gaze drifted back to the field where he’d been standing minutes ago. The spot looked smaller now, emptier, like even the light had followed him when he left.
The voice in my head was quiet again, for now.
That was the trick of it—it always went quiet after I saw him. Like he was the only thing that could hush it, could make everything inside me feel smooth for a while.
I sat there until the last of the players’ cars pulled out, until the sky bruised purple and the first stars began to show.
Then I whispered it, barely audible, as if saying it aloud made it truer somehow.
“It’s not like before.”
My reflection in the windshield didn’t argue, but I could almost hear the voice laughing anyway.
I put the car in drive, the tires crunching softly over gravel, and pulled out of the spot I’d claimed as mine weeks ago. The field lights blinked off behind me, one by one, until the lot was swallowed in darkness.
By the time I reached the main road, I was already calculating.
How long until the next practice.
What time he’d usually leave.
Tomorrow would be better.
Tomorrow, I wouldn’t stay as long.
I’d go home before it got dark.
But even as I promised that, I knew it was a lie.
Because it always started with the sound of cleats.
And I didn’t know how not to listen anymore.
CHAPTER 3
MATTY
“You might as well show him the pictures,” Jace said, resetting the barbell on the squat rack. “It’s a matter of national security…and it’s his birthday.”
I froze mid-rep like he’d just said nuclear launch codes were stored in my jockstrap…and shivered as the lowest point of my life came flashing back to me.
Jace had been gone less than an hour on whatever ridiculous task the secret society we were trying to get into had assigned, and I was already losing it.
