Somewhere deep inside, I knew it couldn’t last.
Love built on secrets never does.
But that didn’t stop me from wanting to keep it, to clutch it with both hands, even as the edges cut into me, even as I felt it slipping through my fingers.
I would try to hold on to it for as long as I could.
CHAPTER 19
OPHELIA
The campus sidewalk stretched out in front of me, cracked concrete dusted with brittle leaves under the pale afternoon light. My earbuds were in, but no music was playing—I hadn’t pressed play. I just wanted the illusion of being busy, of functioning like a normal person.
But I wasn’t thinking about class. Or the people passing by. Or anything real.
I was thinking about Matty.
About waking up tangled in his sheets, his arm draped heavy across my waist, his skin still warm against mine. About the faint smell of him, soap and sweat and something that already felt like home. About how, when we finally dragged ourselves out of bed, he’d caught my wrist at the door, pulled me back in, and said it, soft, almost shy, but certain.
I love you.
The words had followed me out of his house, trailed me all the way across campus, looping through my head like a song I couldn’t stop replaying.
Now, everything felt dim in comparison. The sound of traffic. The chatter of other students. None of it mattered.
All I could see was him. The way he’d looked at me when he said it…like he already belonged to me.
I could still feel it, too, that dangerous flutter under my skin. It made me imagine things that would terrify him. White fabric. Soft lights. His eyes when he turned and saw me walking toward him.
It felt inevitable right now, though. Now that I’d had him, I would do anything it took not to let him go.
It was why I hadn’t saidI love youback yet.
Not because I didn’t feel it. But because it didn’t feelbig enough.
What I felt for him went so far beyond those words that it scared me. It wasn’t just love…it was everything. All-consuming. Boundless. Like he’d been stitched into my veins, like my heart had rewritten itself around his name.
That was why I’d stayed quiet. Because if I tried to say it out loud, it wouldn’t come out soft or simple. It would be too much.
And I wasn’t ready for him to seethatpart of me yet.
“There she is!”
The words came from somewhere behind me, close enough to make the hairs on my neck lift.
I spun around so fast my earbuds nearly flew out. Nothing. Just the cracked sidewalk, the half-empty quad, a few students trudging past with backpacks and coffee cups, none of them looking at me.
Then I caught movement at the edge of my vision—a flash of blonde hair catching the light before disappearing behind the brick column of the library.
I froze mid-step, squinting like maybe if I narrowed my eyes enough, I’d X-ray the wall and catch whoever it was.
No one.
“Okay…” I muttered, turning back around, forcing my legs to keep moving, even though my skin prickled with that creepy feeling of being watched.
Half a block later, it happened again.
A shuffle of sneakers against pavement. A whisper too low to make out.
