I curse myself. I haven’t been like this in a long time. Since Magnus’s incarceration, I’ve had nothing to fear. But it’s not Magnus I’m afraid of. I’m scared that I’ve given away my heart to a man who doesn’t deserve it. I’m scared I’ve put my son in danger by admitting all our secrets, and I’m terrified that if the phone call is completely innocent, what if I’ll never be able to fully trust Dan after what he did? I thought I could. I thought I could move on, but it’s clear. One little thing and my mind goes to the betrayal.
I can’t live with someone I don’t trust.
He hands me a glass of water. “You feel better now you got that up?”
I nod as I take a drink with my shaky hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Dodgy fucking pizza, that’s what’s wrong.” He helps me to my feet. “Did Angelos have any of your ham and pineapple?”
“No. Just me.” I step out of the bathroom, out of his arms, and breathe a little easier. “I just want to go to sleep.”
“I’ll check on Angelos.” Dan pulls on a pair of grey joggers and leaves the room.
I rush back into the bathroom and open the mirrored cabinet. Tablets clatter against the sink as my trembling hand knocks them off the shelf in my search for a bottle of old sleeping pills. I need to buy some time.
“What was that noise?” Dan lets out a sigh of relief as he enters the bathroom. I thought you’d collapsed.”
“I was looking for my peppermint capsules. Thought they’d settle my stomach.”
Dan’s brow furrows. “Is this anything to do with your condition? Do you need a drink of juice or anything?”
I nod. “Would you get me a drink?”
He disappears out of the room and I pop two capsules from the bottle of sleeping pills, then quickly empty them into the half drunk glass of water on his side of the bed.
He returns to the room and hands me a glass of juice.
My shaky hands take it from him and I bring it to my lips to drink.
“Angelos is fine. Fast asleep.” The bed dips as D’Angelo climbs into the bed, his warm palm slipping around my waist as he nuzzles behind me. “Can I get you anything else?”
I shake my head. “I just need sleep.”
“If you feel ill again in the night, wake me.” He presses a kiss to the side of my face, then turns, drinking his water before turning out the lamp.
Guilt claws at my throat, almost suffocating me as I lie on my back, staring into the darkness, unable to sleep.
I need to know once and for all who he is. I can’t be having an episode every time someone named Magnus calls, but I don’t trust Dan enough to just ask him.
Unable to sleep,I lift his hand from my stomach and slip out from under the duvet. Creeping around the bed, I reach his side and the phone on the bedside table. I chew on my bottom lip, knowing what I’m about to do is wrong. I’ve never once invaded a person’s privacy, but I need to put my mind at ease if I’m to get any sleep tonight. I’ve never drugged anyone either. I guess there’s a first time for every thing.
Holding my breath, I slide the phone under the duvet and use Dan’s thumb to unlock his screen.
His gentle snore into the pillow keeps my heart rate steady as I sneak into the bathroom, scrolling through hismessages.
Let me know when you’re back in the UK
Just checking in. Haven’t heard from you.
Get in touch. I have some information about your wife.
I’m in Manchester. Meet tomorrow outside the cathedral and you can tell me what you have on my wife and the kid.
My hand shakes, tears blur my vision, making it difficult to read the rest of the messages. Details about me and my son. My life laid out in black and white, cold and clinical, as if I’m nothing more than a report.
A target.
A mission.
