My heart races with the anticipation of having him inside me. I crave him, but I’m not sure if it’s him I want or the feeling he gave me when I was under a false sense of love. I haven’t felt it since, to feel completely safe and cherished by someone other than my mother. It’s not just about the sex. He made me feel safe just being in his presence. The way he looked at me made me feel like a queen. To have that ripped away and shattered into a million pieces, it’s been hard to trust anyone since. Magnus never had my heart. Even if he weren’t a monster, the only pieces I had left of my heart belonged to my son.
“Let me.” I take the condom from him and straddle his legs as I roll it down over the tip. “Is it even safe to have sex with someone with a piercing like this? Without a condom, I mean. What if it came off inside?”
“It’s fine. It’s not going to come off.” His smile reaches his eyes as his fingers tug at my dressing gown. “Take this off.”
I hold my dressing gown, not ready to bare myself to him completely. So much time has passed between us, so many things have happened and I don’t want anything to distract him from this moment. But with my long hair and the camisole, I think I can lose the gown.
“And this.” He fingers the lace around my camisole nightdress.
Placing both hands on his chest, Ilean over him. “My terms remember.” I shuffle up his body, running my fingers through the hairs on his chest.
He lines himself up with my entrance and I lower myself onto him, the thick head stretching the tight muscle there.
“All right,” he growls as I inch lower. “But next time it’s on my terms.”
I sink farther down, my head lolling back at the burning stretch. “There won’t be a next time,” I say, my head spinning, delirious with pleasure, and I know I’m lying because one time with D’Angelo is never enough. It wasn’t enough the last time and it won’t be enough this time.
He holds the missing pieces of my heart. He’s the only one who can smooth out my jagged parts, but I can’t forget he caused the sharpest edges. After everything I went through, his betrayal is the one that cut the deepest. So deep, I’m not sure it can ever be healed.
“Look at me, fiore mio.”
I drop my gaze, locking eyes with him, and my walls clench. It’s intense, hypnotising, and all previous thoughts are forgotten as I’m lost in the silvery-grey and blue flecks of his eyes. It’s like coming home to the silver lake at Villa Borghese, the dusky sky on a flight, and the Mediterranean Sea on a calm day.
My body shivers as I roll my hips. I feel everything. The pulse in his cock, the piercing stimulating something inside of me, but I wish we didn’t have a barrier. The condom is just a metaphor for the barrier between us. Our rival families, the betrayal, my past. So many reasons we shouldn’t be together, but one reason outweighs them all. Love.
I shake my head, stealing my gaze from his. No. I can’t love him. I can’t. We barely know each other. Everything I thought I knew about him was a lie, yet I sacrificed my freedom for him and I’d do it again. I’d sacrifice my life in the hopes that one day my son can know what it’s like to have a decent father.
“Hey.” Dan’s palm is hot on my cheek as he brings my gaze back in line with his. “Focus on me. I lost you there.” His teeth sink into my breast over the satin fabric of my camisole, and he sucks on my nipple through the fabric.
I cradle his head against me as I rock my hips faster, desperate for a release. “I won’t be long, Dan.”
“I’m right there with you, Rose.” He looks into my eyes, “Come on my cock, sweetheart. Come for me, just like you did the last time we made love.”
My body shudders against him. Is this what we’re doing? Making love? I thought we were just fucking. Scratching an itch, getting it out of our system, but I realise now that with him, it will never be just sex. We have too much history.
His fingers tangle in my hair at the back of my head and he makes a fist, guiding me down to his lips, but I turn away from him, letting him kiss my neck instead. The metal bar hits the delicious spot inside me and I rock my hips harder, grinding my clit against his pelvis as I bury my head in his neck, kissing him there as he does the same to me and I come undone, a quivering mess, vibrating on his lap.
My toes curl, my arms tighten around his shoulders as I hold on for dear life as my orgasm tears through me, wracking my bones and turning them to jelly. Panting into his neck, I let out a whimper, a sob as I whisper, “Come with me.”
“D’Angelo.” My walls pulse around him as he tightens his fist in my hair and thrusts into me from the bottom, groaning into my neck as he spills his release into the condom. I wish I could feel his warmth spill into me. I wish I could do this every day. I wish so many things, but most of all, I wish I could trust him.
His hot breath pants into my neck. “You feel fucking amazing.” His lips trail over my jaw, but I turn my head away further. He holds my face in his hand. “Kiss me.”
I look away, knowing if I look him in the eye, I’ll give in to his demands. “I can’t Dan, please don’t ask me to.”
“Why not?”
“It’s too personal with you.”
He chuckles, making me shake with him. “You let me French kiss your pussy, but not your mouth.”
“Kissing you hurts too much, Dan. Please. I can’t risk my heart with you again.”
His lips hover an inch from mine, his breath warm. Our gazes locked. “You don’t have to trust me yet. Just… let me keep trying.”
I nod once, and hold his face in my palms as I press my forehead to his. Every part of me wants to kiss him, to feel how I did back then, but the memories are too painful. I can’t go back to being that girl again. The one who waited in the rose garden every day with a dream he never came back for.
He exhales a breath, then presses a kiss to the side of my cheek. “All right. I won’t force you to do anything, but I will earn your trust again. I promise.”
