“We were.” I run a hand down my tired face, a trail ofblack soot rubbing off on my palm. I should have washed before coming here, but I couldn’t wait.
“You were happy for now, but I can’t give you a family, Drake.”
“Is that what this is about?” It all makes sense now with Sienna’s painting. “You think I want more kids?”
“You said so when I asked.”
I groan inwardly at my own stupidity. “Because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.” I laugh out loud. All this over a fucking miscommunication. “You must be a crazy lady if you think I could handle more kids.”
“But you said you’d love a kid with me.”
“Yeah, I said that. But I didn’t fully understand why you were asking me that question. It was only a week ago we had unprotected sex, for all I knew, you could’ve been pregnant. I wasn’t about to say, hell no, I don’t want another kid, especially with my daughter in the room.”
She swipes the tears from her cheeks. “So you don’t want to grow your family?”
Despite how mad I am at her, I can’t stand to watch her cry and do nothing, so I close the distance between us. “Yes, I want to grow my family. I want a wife, a mum for Sienna, maybe a dozen pets.”
She leans back against the worktop for support, her crutch forgotten against the table. “But Sienna… she’ll never have a brother or sister.”
I huff out a laugh, shaking my head. “She’ll be happy enough with a kitten. If I’m being honest, Ember, I couldn’t handle another Sienna. Have you met my daughter? One kid’s plenty. Between my job and keeping her entertained, I’m fucking exhausted.” A chuckle rumbles low in my chest, softening the sting. “Unless you really wanted one… then maybe adoption. But me? I’m happy as I am.”
Her tears finally fall, streaking down her cheeks. “No. I’ve made my peace with it. I had a hysterectomy in my twenties because of fibroids and severe pain all the time. I’ve always known it wasn’t in the stars for me.”
Something squeezes my chest. “Why didn’t you say something? You could’ve told me.” I itch to wipe her cheeks, run my fingers through her hair and hold her close, but I’m covered in soot.
“It’s not something I talk about. Apart from the fact that I can’t have kids, I feel like less of a woman. I’m not whole, Drake. I’m broken.” Her lips tremble as she says the words, and more tears drip from her lashes.
“You’re all woman to me, Em.” I wrap my arms around her this time, pulling her close to my chest. To hell with it. If I stain her dressing gown, I’ll buy her a new one. Her scent of cinnamon spice and cats surrounds me, and it feels like home. I kiss the top of her damp hair as she sobs into my chest.
My fingers tangle in her locks, and I shush her, stroking my knuckles along her spine, over her furry dressing gown. “You think because you’re not whole that you don’t deserve to be happy?”
Her head nods against my chest, her voice muffled against the fabric of my t-shirt. “That’s just what Flint said.”
I cup her face, forcing her to look up at me. “I’m not whole either. A part of me will always belong to Elise. I left a piece of my heart in England, but when I’m with you, you fill the gaps. You make me feel whole again, Em.”
She swallows, the courage in her jaw wobbling. “I felt the same when I was with you.”
I brush her tears with my thumbs, leaving a black streak on her face. “Let me make peace with it too. Don’t make my choice for me, Em. Give us a chance.”
Her lower lip trembles. “You still want me?”
“I have a daughter to think about, Em. I need to be with someone I can trust. Someone who’s honest about their feelings. Someone who doesn’t keep things from me. You fucking hurt me.”
Her eyes shine with more unshed tears. “One day at a time, that’s what you said.”
“Yeah, and that was before I fell in love with you.” My voice cracks on the words, but I don’t look away. “I don’t want just one day anymore, Ember. I want it all.”
I pause, watching her. The soot on my palms from the shift smudges more of her cheek. “One day at a time was fine when we were figuring things out, Em. But I can’t live on ‘one days’ forever. You said you didn’t want pity. I believe you. But I need honesty. I need to know you’ll let me in when it hurts, that you’ll tell me the hard stuff instead of walking away.”
“I don’t want you to stay out of pity,” she whispers.
“I won’t.” I press my forehead to hers. “Give us a chance. Don’t shut me out because you think you’re doing me a favour. If you want me to fight for us, I will, but not if I’m the only one fighting.”
Her fingers knot in my t-shirt. For a long beat, there’s only the small, familiar noises of her home, a cat pawing a chair, the refrigerator ticking, and the steady thud of my pulse.
Finally, she nods. “I’m sorry I shut you out.” She closes her eyes and leans into my chest.
I hold her for a moment longer than I should, memorising the softness of her hair. “I want to stay. I want to remind you just how much of a woman you are, with my face buried between your legs and spelling it out for you with my tongue.”
