I press my hand to his chest, keeping him at arm’s length even though every cell in me screams to hold on. “I can’t do this, Drake.”
His expression crumples. “What do you mean? Em, talk to me?—”
I shake my head, forcing steel into my spine while my heart splinters. “It’s for the best. Trust me.”
He turns to his daughter. “Bug, can you wait in the corridor for a sec?”
Sienna walks to the door and into the corridor, but leaves the door open so we can see her.
“What’s got into you? What can’t you do? I don’t understand what you’re saying, Em.”
“It’s better if we stop this now.” My voice is flat, the opposite of what I feel. “I’m sorry.” Every part of me wants to fold into him and tell him everything, but I know what will happen if I do. Pity. Sorrow. Resentment.
He cups my face, desperation in his eyes. “Ember, please—” His voice cracks. “Stop what? Stop us? Stop… caring about each other? You’re not making sense.”
“It makes sense to me,” I whisper. “You’ll thank me one day.” The words hurt my own ears, but the thought of him compromising his life because of me is more frightening than any loneliness.
He steps forward. “I’ll thank you?” His voice is louder than before. “For what? Throwing away a chance at happiness? Em, what happened to one day at a time?”
“I tried, Drake.” My throat is raw, words hoarse. “You deserve someone who can give you everything you want. I’m not that woman. I never will be.”
Silence roars in my ears.
His mouth opens, then closes. “Em—” He reaches for me, his term of endearment hitting me like a plea.
I find the strength to step back, clinging to the crutch under my arm. “No.” The single word is like a dagger, sharper and crueller than anything else I could say. “You deserve more than a broken mess.”
Sienna’s small voice carries through the doorway. “Daddy?”
He looks at her, then back at me. The hurt in his eyes is like splinters piercing my skin. “You’re not giving me reasons. You’re not letting me help you.”
I laugh, a short, bitter sound. “No one can help me, Drake, not even a hero like you.”
He closes his eyes as if frustrated, breathing heavily through his nostrils, as if he’s a dragon ready to breathe fire and set the whole world alight.
My voice breaks. “Goodbye, Drake.” I turn, my crutch the only thing keeping me upright. I give Sienna my best smile, my lips quivering as I say, “I have a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Miss Sparks,” Sienna says, then runs into the classroom. “Daddy, are you crying?”
I hear him answer, “No bug, just got something in my eye.” The corridor swallows the rest of his words.
My legs carry me farther away, towards the staffroom, every step thunderous in my chest. I don’t look back. If I do, I’ll never leave.
Chapter Twenty-One
DRAKE
The house feels too damn quiet when we step inside. No laughter. Just shadows and the tick of the clock in the hallway.
“Go on, bug,” I say, forcing cheer into my voice as I ruffle Sienna’s hair. “Get your things. Nannan and Grandad’ll be here soon.”
She doesn’t move. Just stares up at me with those big eyes that see too much. “I don’t want to go.”
I crouch in front of her, hands braced on my knees. “What do you mean? You love staying at theirs. Pancakes for tea, ice cream before bed… you always come back spoiled rotten.”
She fidgets with the strap of her little backpack, bottom lip wobbling. “I don’t like leaving you when you’re upset.” Her voice trembles, and another piece of my heart cracks. “You look like you did when Mummy died.”
The words hit me in the gut. My throat closes, and Idrag in a sharp breath through my nose, willing myself not to fall apart right here in front of her.
