“Da-ad,” I whine, but know he’s right. I’m terrible at cleaning, my flatmate used to say the same. No wonder she left and took her pussycat with her.
Lorraine comes into the living room with a hot chocolate of her own. She perches next to me on the sofa. “Take no notice of him. My sons never lifted a finger either.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me you were cleaning until you could get another job? There’s no shame in cleaning, muffin. Your nan was a cleaner her whole life.”
“I wasn’t ashamed. I just wanted to prove to you I could take care of myself and follow in Mum’s footsteps and make you proud.” My voice cracks on that last bit.
Lorraine puts an arm around me, rubbing her hand up and down my spine. “Oh, honey. Your dad’s already proud of you for just being the kind, caring and lovely person who you are. Youhave nothing to prove, sweetheart.” She waves her mug towards Dad. “Tell her, Colin.”
“It’s true, muffin. I don’t care if you never step foot back in London again, as long as you’re happy. What you’ve achieved at art college while taking care of me after your mother passed makes me the proudest father in the world.” He places his brandy on the mantle and rises from the chair, taking the few steps to sit on the sofa next to me.
“I don’t want to go back there. I hated it. The only thing I liked was that I got to sit and look at the paintings while the place was empty.”
“That’s why they fired you, isn’t it?” His smile reaches his eyes, the few coloured lights on the tree shining on his face.
“Yes, I was on CCTV.” A laugh bursts from my lips. For the first time, I’m able to see the funny side after carrying this secret all week.
“Honey, I wish you’d have told us. We would have come and got you.”
“That’s what Sawyer said.” My thoughts drift to Sawyer out there alone and I hope he’s okay and found somewhere to stay.
“So you told Sawyer all this?” Dad asks.
I nod and take a sip of my hot chocolate now that it’s cooled a little. “He wanted me to tell you. Said he would keep my secret, but after the holidays when you returned from Scotland, I had to tell you the truth.”
Dad scratches his beard as if in deep thought.
“Sawyer took care of me. We’ve been stuck here together during the snowstorm and—” I take another drink as if it’s Dutch courage. “And I love him, Dad. We love each other. Doesn’t Sawyer deserve to be happy, too?”
He rises from the sofa, takes the few steps to the mantle, and lifts his glass of brandy while he gazes at Blitzen on thewall. “Sawyer’s my oldest friend. I know his track record with women?—”
I jump from the sofa, ready to defend his name. I only know what I feel and I know in my heart that he’s different with me. “But?—”
Dad raises a hand. “But… I also know how he is with you. The way he dotes on you. You could always wrap him around your little finger. And if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you, muffin.”
“What are you saying?” I place my hot mug on the mantle.
“I’m saying maybe I was too hasty when I kicked him out. I felt betrayed by the two of you with all the lies. I’m saying, if you love him, let’s go get him.”
My heart swells in my chest like a balloon ready to burst at any minute. I throw my arms around Dad. “You mean it?”
“Anything for my little girl.”
“I’m not a little girl anymore, Dad.”
“You’ll always be my little girl, even when you’re forty.”
21
SAWYER
Stepping through the back door to the Black Crow is the last place I thought I’d be this Christmas Eve. I drop my heavy holdall from my shoulder and carry it at my side as I walk into the games room.
Christmas music plays from the band in the other room, but I’m not in any sort of festive mood. Usually I stay away from Christmas celebrations, but living with Angelica these past few days seemed to lift my spirits. Everything seems better when she’s around, like my own prescription of medicine, and having to leave her is killing me inside.
Snow melts from my boots in the bar's warmth. I need a strong drink, but I also need to ask Draven if I can borrow his sofa.
“What the fuck happened to you?” Dan says as I walk by one of the pool tables.
