Back in the kitchen, I check on dinner. The boiler is now completely silent, and I wonder if it’s sorted itself out.
Sawyer appears in the kitchen, rubbing his damp hair with a towel. “Smells good.” He walks past me into the utility to the washing machine. “Fuck.”
I turn the oven off and follow him. “What is it?”
He’s staring at the boiler, holding the cupboard door open. “It’s completely knackered.” He clicks a switch on and off, and nothing happens.
“Could it be a fuse?” I tug on the sleeve of my pyjamas, part of me worried I’m going to freeze to death, the other part of me—the bottom half—hoping I can snuggle in Sawyer’s bed.
“Serve dinner. I’ll test the fuse.” He brushes past me in the doorway and my nipples pebble under my top. Maybe it’s not just my bottom half that’s glad the boiler has given up. It’s definitely two-thirds of my body.
With no heating tokeep the rooms warm upstairs, the temperature dropped dramatically after dinner. Sawyerpositions the double mattress from the guest bedroom onto the rug in the living room in front of the fire.
“It’s like we’re having a sleepover,” I say as I place my duvet on the sofa.
“You can take the mattress. I’ll take the coach.” Sawyer arranges the pillows on the mattress, making it look inviting.
“Why don’t we both sleep on the mattress? There’s plenty of room.”
He scratches his beard as if thinking about it.
“We can keep each other warm.” I bite my lip, looking around at the tiny sofa. “Besides, you won’t fit on there.”
“All right.”
My stomach flutters at the thought of being wrapped up in his arms all night.
Sawyer stokes the fire and throws another log onto the embers. When he looks back at me as I climb into bed, I swear the flames are still dancing in his eyes. “I don’t own any night clothes.” He stands awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.
I pull the duvet over my chest and make myself comfortable in front of the fire. “What do you usually wear for bed?”
“Nothing. Sometimes my boxer shorts.”
“I learned fromTwilightthat it’s better to be naked to keep each other warm.”
“Is that right? What else did you learn fromTwilight?” He pulls the snaps on his shirt, popping the buttons in one full sweep like Superman when he changes into his costume, only instead of an S on his chest, Sawyer has a serpent, wrapped around a wilting rose.
A smile curves my lips and I turn onto my side, watching him strip down to his boxers. The hairs on his chest remind me of a grizzly bear, and Mr. Snuggles pops into my head. “I forgot to get Mr. Snuggles.” I rarely sleep without it.
“You won’t be needing your teddy tonight. You have me.”
My eyes widen as I gaze into his.
“Fuck. I mean…for snuggles.” He discards his jeans onto the chair, and crawls onto the mattress, pulling the duvet over him. “Unless you want to ride my beard like a saddle.” He chuckles, scratching the bristles on his chin and making my centre pulse.
I swat his chest, but my hand lingers, feeling the carpet of soft hair that tickles my palm.
He said it in a joking way, but I’d love to see his reaction if I took off my knickers and straddled his face. I chew on my nail, thinking of doing just that, but I could never. No man’s ever touched me down there with their fingers, let alone their mouth.
After a beat too long, he peels my hand away from his skin and holds it in his large mitt. “Get some sleep, angel. I’ll walk to town tomorrow and get a part for the boiler.”
I nod and turn away from him, still holding his hand and pulling his arm over me. As I snuggle into him, my back to his warm chest, I hope the snow keeps falling so we can spend every night like this together.
His large hand rests on my stomach over my thick flannel pyjamas. I’ve never shared a bed with a man before, not even a boy. For once, I just want to feel what it’s like to have a man’s hands on my skin.
The last time I was groped was at the party when I was sixteen and it gave me the ick. Some random boy feeling me up. Probably the same boy who spiked my drink. I’ve never trusted anyone since to let them get close. But the truth is, I’ve never wanted to get close to anyone until now.
Probably why my dad thinks I’m gay. The thought has crossed my mind too, but the way my centre aches now for Sawyer, I’m definitely into guys, or maybe it’s just big, bearded papa bears I’m attracted to.
