“So you’re the cop car, and you have to chase the baddy.” I point to the TV. “See that red car? That’s the one you’re chasing.”
Footsteps become louder up the wooden staircase. “A little old for video games, don’t you think?” Fern says with panting breaths after climbing the stairs.
I glance over my shoulder, keeping my finger on the controller. “I don’t think he’s too old.”
She rolls her eyes. “You, I meant.”
I can’t help but chuckle under my breath. I place the controller on the coffee table, ruffle Harry’s hair as I stand. “It’s all yours, kid.”
“Mum, look at the TV,” he shouts.
“I know it’s ridiculously large.” Fern drops her bag onto the dining table.
With a grin playing on my lips, I make my way over to where she stands near the kitchen. “It’s not the first time you’ve said that.” As soon as the words are out, I press my lips together. I’d hoped the joke would cut through some of the tension, but now she probably thinks I’m flirting.
“Please spare me the memory.” She doesn’t look me in the eye, but scans the open plan living space. “You have a nice place here.”
“Is that a compliment?” It must be hard for Fern to see how I live now in this luxury home while she’s in a small cottage. This could have been our life. But despite everything I’ve worked for, she has one thing I’ll never have. A son. Something I’d trade everything I own for.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” A small smile curves her lips. “I should thank you for Mum’s care.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You really didn’t have to do that for me.”
How can I tell her I didn’t do it for her?
“I’m ready.” Lilly stands at the top of the stairs, clutching her bag, her face fresh with very little makeup, but looking more beautiful.
Fern pulls the strap of her bag onto her shoulder. “Harry, we’re going.” She rushes down the stairs as if she can’t get out of here fast enough.
Harry whines, but doesn’t move from the couch.
I stand in my kitchen, a few feet away from Lilly, every muscle tense, desperate to close the distance and take her into my arms. “Are you all right?”
She nods. “I’ll be fine.” She drops her bag on the floor and takes two steps towards me, those two front teeth pinching her bottom lip. “Thank you for taking care of me last night.”
“I’ll always take care of you.” My fingers itch to reach for her. In my mind, my mouth is already on her body. Siren’s from the cop chase game remind me that Harry’s still here, and I curse myself for having an open-plan living space. But the truth is, I still wouldn’t be able to kiss the woman I love, open plan space or not.
The realisation that I’ll never be able to be with this woman stings in my chest. The only way I can have her is as a shadow under the veil of night. But it’s not enough. She said last night she wants more from me. I want that too. But the things she wants, I’ll never be able to give her.
Lifting a carrier bag from the table, I hold it open for her. “I gathered a few items that I had spare from a self defence talk I did at the high school.”
She lifts out a can of pepper spray and a rape alarm keyring.
“There’s a few in there. Maybe share them between you and Fern and keep them in your bag or bedroom.”
She drops them back in the bag with a nod, and I place the carrier bag on top of her holdall.
Her arms fling around my neck, taking me by surprise. I glide my hands around her waist, enjoying the closeness of her again as I did last night.
Her soft cheek brushes against my beard. She hums with a sigh. Her breath fanning my neck sends a jolt of electricity to my heart as if it wasn’t aching already.
She presses a delicate kiss against my cheek. “Thank you for always being there for me.”
It takes every ounce of strength I have to keep my hands and lips at a safe distance. Instead of ravishing her like I need, I hold her close for a moment longer, my face buried into her neck, inhaling her scent. I let my lips brush against her neck.
Her skin breaks out in gooseflesh as a shiver courses through her body.
