I squeeze him tighter, the hairs on his chest tickling my palms as his heart thumps beneath my hand. “I’m right here. You haven’t lost me.”
He stubs out his cigarette on the balcony rail and flicks it over the edge onto his driveway below, then holds both my hands and peels them away from his chest as he turns to face me. “I thoughtyou’d hate me for holding you back. If the worst had happened with Ash…”
My throat closes up. My chest tightens. Ash wouldn’t look at me tonight. Even as he was taken away in the ambulance, he wouldn’t look at me. Kane went with him, promising to keep an eye on him with his mental health. I pinch my eyebrows together, wondering what’s going through Shane’s head. “I could never hate you.”
“You saw the real me tonight.” He stares back out at the lake covered in a veil of fog. “I’m not even sorry, Lil. I’d do it all again if it means protecting you.”
“I know, and that’s why I love you.” Standing at his side, I place my hand over his as it rests on the railing.
“You still want me even after seeing the real me? I’m no hero, Lil.”
“I don’t want a hero.” I give him a sideways glance while biting on my lip. “I thought you knew by now I’m attracted to the villain.”
He nods in agreement as he stares out at the view under a blanket of stars, a hint of a smile on his lips as if reciting all my past boyfriends, Kane included.
“I’ve loved you since I was a little girl.” My arm threads through his and I lean my head against his biceps. “You were my hero when I was seven, but I fell in love with the man behind the mask during our lives. I love every part of you, even the parts you hide in the shadows.”
He turns to face me with a deep wrinkle on his forehead. His fingers swipe away the wisps of hair blowing in front of my face. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
I rise onto my bare toes and kiss his lips. Warmth spreads throughout my limbs, the love I have for him blooming in my heart. “You loved me unconditionally. No matter what trouble I was in, I always knew I could call you. And you saw the realme, behind my mask of makeup, and you love me just as I am, despite all my flaws.”
He cups my face, his palm warming my skin. “You don’t have flaws. You’re perfectly imperfect.” He dips his head slightly and kisses my cheek, then the other. “This red flush on your cheeks is barely noticeable to me.” He kisses the brown mole I have above my left dimple. “This beauty spot here is what makes you unique.” His lips crash against mine, his tongue sliding along the seam of my mouth. “And don’t get me started on how much these two front teeth turn me on.”
I smile against his mouth, then it turns into a frown as I remember I still need to come clean with my sister.
He pulls me against him as I shiver. He lifts my chin. “What’s wrong?”
My head shakes. “I was just thinking, I finally have you and everything I’ve wished for, but I’m scared I’m going to lose my family.” My teeth chatter again as a wave of dread washes over me.
He wraps me up in his arms. “Let’s get you back inside.”
I wiggle my cold toes against the fluffy rug as Shane closes the sliding door and locks it.
He bends over and throws another log into the wood-burning stove, then flops onto the sofa, reaching out a hand for me to join him.
The wood crackles, giving off a warm glow and the cosy feel of home. I take his hand and he pulls me down so I’m sitting sideways on his lap, my feet on the cushion and my back against the armrest. My fingers graze the back of his neck, tangling in the curls growing a little long. “You need a haircut.”
He huffs. “That’s the least of my worries.”
I stiffen in his arms. “Is me being pregnant one of your worries?”
His finger and thumb grip my chin, tilting my head to face him. His warm lips press against mine. “You and this baby are the only good things in my life.” He kisses me again, but this time it’s reassuring, lingering with all his love and devotion.
“Are you happy?” He clears his throat. “About the baby, I mean.”
“Are you?” I know he’s just said we’re the only good things in his life, but he doesn’t seem happy now. I know it’s probably with everything that’s happened this evening, but I need to know he wants this as much as I do.
“It’s what I’ve always wanted, but I hate myself for forcing this on you. I should’ve used a condom. I can understand if you resent me for it. The timing isn’t great and you need to finish your studies, not to mention forcing you to tell your sister and?—”
“Stop.” My fingers stroke the deep lines on his brow. “You haven’t forced anything on me.” A small smile curves my lips. “I remember there were two of us that night. I wanted it just as much as you did.”
“I thought you were on the pill. I saw the packet in your bathroom cabinet.”
“I stopped taking it after Kane. I never mentioned it because I thought you’d had a vasectomy?” My eyebrow lifts, waiting for him to explain himself.
“I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get anyone pregnant. I didn’t want to get into all the details on the live. After years of trying with?—”
I press my finger to his lips. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m happy.” My other hand rests on my stomach, over the stretched fabric of his t-shirt. I’m barely a month pregnant and it can’t be more than the size of a pea, but being a bigger girl, I already have the belly of a pregnant lady. It’s just squidgy instead of hard. “It was inevitable. We were inevitable. All this baby has done is move things along quicker.”
