My eyes blink open, and I inhale the scent of weed on my clothes from last night. The boys had saved me a joint when I finished work. They had a few friends round in the games room, but it was fairly chilled.
Excitement bubbles in my stomach at my first Christmas with my actual family. I throw on my dressing gown and pad through the quiet house. Light shines through the windows, evaporating the morning dew.
After cleaning my teeth and washing, I pad back to my room to gather the gifts I’ve bought for everyone. Nothing fancy, just a few things I picked up from work. A bottle of whiskey for uncle Gareth. A pair of gloves, hat and scarf for Jack when he’s working the boat hire, and a t-shirt for Jesse. I was going to get Linda something, but she’s split after a row with Gareth. Jesse says she’ll be back, but I’m not holding my breath. He’s a difficult man to live with.
I quietly make my way down the stairs into the living room. There’s no tree, but there are a few gifts around the fireplace where I add mine to the pile. The large grandfather clock in the hall strikes on the hour and chimes nine times. Not exactly early, but the guys stayed up late last night and I don’t want to be the one to wake them. I make myself a coffee and cereal and sit patiently at the kitchen table.
The longer I sit here, the less magical the morning is. So much for the special Christmas morning I thought this would be. Taking myself upstairs, I change out of my pyjamas and put on a black skater dress with leggings.
There’s some movement from Jesse’s room and I knock on the door. “Are you awake? It’s Christmas.”
“No, I’m not awake yet,” a muffled voice shouts.
Gareth opens his bedroom door. “Put the kettle on, Letty. A bacon sandwich wouldn’t go amiss.”
“I’ll have a bacon sarnie.” Jack appears out of the bathroom in a pair of white boxers. He winks at me as he strolls past. “There’s a good lass.”
Ugh, sometimes I think they just like having me here to treat me like a slave, even more so since Linda left, but I go downstairs and do it anyway in the hopes I can salvage Christmas morning. At least I won’t have to cook dinner. Gareth plucked a pheasant yesterday—one that he shot—so I assume he’s gonna cook that.
The guys come down and sit at the table as I dish up their breakfasts. After they’ve eaten, we head into the living room. Jesse throws some logs on the fire, and I sit on the rug.
The boys have a few gifts from some relatives on their mum’s side, even though their mum split when they were kids. I think their aunty still sends presents. The one gift I have is from Jesse. My eyes widen as he hands it to me.
“Thank you.”
Jack enters the room and Jesse hands him my gift. He looks at the tag. “Oh shit. I didn’t know we were getting gifts. Was I supposed to get you something?”
I shake my head. “It’s fine.” I never expected much from the boys, but a smile pushes my cheeks up when I open Jesse’s gift: an Anime hoodie of a character with purple hair from Demon Slayer.
“It reminded me of you.” Jesse points to the girl on the front of the hoodie.
I hold it up, hoping it will fit. The size says large, but it looks on the small side. “Thank you.” I fold it up, not wanting to embarrass myself by trying it on.
The gifts are over within minutes, and the only one left is Gareth’s bottle of whiskey. Jesse pulls his new t-shirt over his head. “Thanks, Letty.”
I put on a fake smile, but feel the tears prickling at the back of my throat. Gareth hasn’t appeared in the room yet and now the boys are taking their stuff and leaving. I sit on the rug with a hoodie that I don’t even think will fit. It’s not that I expected more gifts. It’s not about the gifts. I just wanted to have a nice Christmas morning with us all together. If I’d have known it was going to be like this, I would have gone back to my foster parents’ place for Christmas. I may not feel any more welcome, but they do put effort in, even if it is for Maddie and not me.
I can’t help but think about Kane and what he’s up to. Is he used to waking on Christmas morning alone? I had so many plans for us. This year was going to be the best Christmas ever, and it’s turning out to be the worst.
Gareth enters the room, seeing his gift on the coffee table. “Is this for me?” He examines the tag. “Letty, you shouldn’t have.” He opens the bag. “Thanks for the whiskey.”
I nod, giving him a small smile. “It’s the least I can do after you let me move in.”
Gareth opens his wallet and hands me a wad of notes. “I didn’t know what you’d like.” What is it with guys throwing money at me lately?
“Thanks.” I pocket the cash, just like I ended up pocketing the notes from Kane yesterday.
He leaves the room, and just like that, Christmas is over.
I gather up the wrapping, tidying the space. My mind wanders to Kane, wondering if he’s opened the jumper I bought for him. A sad, whimsical smile paints my face. I’m comforted knowing he won’t be alone today. Grateful I was able to see him yesterday, or I may be worried about him being alone.
This may not have been the perfect family Christmas I always imagined, but at least I’m with people. Kane has nobody. Jesse returns with more wood for the fire and stacks it up at the side of the wood burner. I throw the wrapping in the bin, and Gareth points to the potatoes.
“Do you want to peel the potatoes or the veg?”
“I’ll do the potatoes.”
Gunfire from Call of Duty and shouting travels from the living room. I roll my eyes, but know I will beat them both later. Gareth and I prepare the food in silence. Today could be any other day. Apart from Gareth wrapping bacon around mini sausages. The pheasant is in the oven already cooking.
