“Fair enough, man.”
“Are they treating her well?”
“She said so. Lilly offered her a bed at her place, but she wanted to go back to theirs so she must be okay. They wouldn’t hurt one of their own, though, would they?”
I inhale another drag of the cigarette. I need something stronger. Is Vi one of them? I’ll never see her as theirs.
“Look, man. Lilly’s doing Christmas dinner. She wanted me to invite you.”
“I can’t sit at Lilly’s with the two of you like a fucking gooseberry.”
“I told you there’s nothing between us. She invited us both. I’ve got nothing better to do and I know you haven’t. Just come. It’ll make her happy.”
“I’ll just be miserable. No point ruining your Christmas as well.”
“You know what she’s like. She’ll just be worried about you on your own if you don’t come.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He smiles, seeming happy with himself. “You can bring Belle, too.” He ruffles her fur. “Lilly will save you some turkey, girl.”
“What’s the deal with you two?”
“We’ve been spending more time together, no big deal.” He stubs the cigarette out in the bottom of his coffee mug. “I’m thinking of asking her out, though.”
I choke on the last remaining bit of coffee. Shane pats my back. I fill the mug with water and have another drink. “That’s. Great,” I splutter out the words between coughs.
“She hasn’t said yes yet. If you think there’s any chance that you and her could get back together, tell me now before I make a fool of myself.”
“That ship sailed. In fact, I don’t think it ever docked. She deserves someone who can make her happy. All I ever did was make her miserable.” Story of my life. I may not have done the right thing with Vi, but I can at least let Lilly have a shot at happiness.
“Thanks, man.” He opens the bin, throwing the stub away, then places the mug in the sink, full of dirty pots. He doesn’t comment on the state of the place, but I can tell he’s noticed. I haven’t even made my bed in days, and that’s not like me. If it wasn’t drilled into us in the army, it was in prison.
I pull the hair back from my forehead. “Will you do me a favour?”
“Anything.” Shane stops at the door with Belle circling him again.
“Will you keep an eye on her for me? I can’t fucking stand that she’s living there with them, but you know I can’t go near the place. If I do, you know what will happen. If I don’t kill that slimy fucker first.”
“I already am keeping my eye on her. Promise me you’ll stay away.”
I give him a nod. Even though it’s taking everything I have to follow that order. Every cell in my body wants to go over there, get my girl, and bring her home where she belongs. I knew it would all end in tears, but I never knew it would hurt this fucking much.
Shane drives off down the dirt road and I close the door, glancing around the hovel I’ve been living in since she left. The sad Christmas tree sits in the corner, abandoned. The needles fallen around the empty base that should be filled with presents by now. I had so many plans to make this the best Christmas she’d ever had. Now the thought of Christmas gives me a stab to the chest. Another reminder of how fucking lonely I am. The worst thing is that I only have myself to blame.
* * *
I fillthe trolly up with a few bottles of Lilly’s favourite red wine and a crate of beers for Shane and I. If I’m going to Lilly’s for Christmas dinner tomorrow, I’m gonna need the alcohol to get me through. Hopefully, it will cheer me up for a few hours. The alcohol, that is. I still don’t understand why they want me there, but Lilly’s always been a caring soul.
Walking up and down the aisles, I keep my eye out for Vi. I know she’s here because I scoured the car park for her pink mini. My pulse quickens as I walk down the freezer section. There are a few other stores I could have gone to. These last few weeks, I’ve been getting my groceries from the local corner shop, giving her the space she needs. Not that I’ve been eating much lately. My grocery shop usually comprises beer and the odd single microwave meal. Another reminder of how lonely and pathetic my life is.
Being single never bothered me before. I liked it. But having Vi at home made me realise what I’ve been missing all these years, though I don’t want to live with anyone but her. I miss her bratty attitude and the lip she used to give me. A smile forms on my face, thinking of her.
Walking to the till, I freeze when her violet hair comes into view. She’s as beautiful as ever, but she’s missing that sparkle in her eyes. I could go to another till, but my body’s drawn to her, pulling me further to her checkout. I place the drinks and dog food and a few other bits on the belt and wait for her to finish serving the woman before me.
She slides the crate of beer over the scanner. The beep jolts me from the trance I’m in. My heart thunders in my chest, roaring like a car engine. Her eyes look up through long lashes and she sucks in a breath. I want to suck it right back out while I claim her glossy lips. Instead, I stuff my sweaty palms in my pocket before I reach out and touch her.
Vi swallows, then breathes out a shaky breath.
