KANE
Ialways knew I couldn’t keep her. The truth had to come out, eventually. Violets are wild flowers that need space to thrive, and here she was suffocated in lies and deceit.
Wondering what she’d discovered, I make my way up to her room. Nothing seems out of place, though everything is off because her things are gone.
I drop on her bed, resting my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my palms. She was like a rare violet backed starling visiting for a short while, lighting up my life and giving me purpose. Now she’s gone to find a new home, taking everything good that she brought out of me with her. Like the night takes the sun. I’m in for one hell of a long winter.
Opening her bedside drawers, I search for any clues she may have left behind. Nothing but the purple gift I bought her. Memories of our time together flash through my head. Everything about our relationship was wrong from the start, but it felt so right. I almost let myself believe it could work.
Deluding myself this last week only made this harder to stomach. I’m a monster. A fucking selfish one at that. She deserves better. She should be with someone her own age. Someone decent from a good home. The sort of person I was before everything went to shit. Anyone but those fucking Bennett brothers.
I slam the drawer shut and make my way down the hall towards my room. Opening the door, I drop to my knees at the carnage. Letters litter the floor, like dead leaves scattered to the wind. I haven’t looked at her mail in so long. With Vi’s presence, Ali was almost forgotten.
This is her way of punishing me for taking advantage of her daughter. She gave her up wanting the best for her and I ruined that in the space of a few months. I thought Vi could be my redemption, but she’s my penance. This is my purgatory, a living hell of wanting something unattainable. The universe fucking with me, letting me have a taste to then snatch it away.
With heavy bones, I scoop up the letters, not even bothering to glance at the words. I’ve read each one a thousand times already. The parts of my heart Vi had pieced together break away, causing a sharp crippling pain in my chest. I throw the letters back into the cardboard box and shove it under the bed, out of sight. I don’t need anymore reminders of Ali or Vi. Both women live in my head rent free, both look alike but yet both so different.
Engine revs become louder and the gravel on the drive crunches together. A spark ignites my dying heart in the hopes it’s Vi coming back to me. I rush over to the window, but it’s just Mike coming to pick up his MG I’ve been working on.
He’s with his grandson, one of the kids from the punk band at the Black crow. “Is the car ready?” Mike calls.
“Yeah,” I shout through the window, with a croak in my voice. “Be down in a minute.” I slump down the stairs and out the door. Belle darts out between my legs to circle the pair, giving them the once over.
“I gave her a service as well,” I say as I shake his hand.
“Great stuff. How much extra do I owe?”
“It’s fine, no extra charge.”
He hands over a wad of notes.
“Letty around?” The kid says, scouring the grounds with his eyes as if I’ve locked her away somewhere.
“No.”
“Is she working?” He shuffles on his feet, still swivelling his head as if he doesn’t believe me.
“I don’t know, kid. I’m not her keeper,” I snap, but I don’t mean to be rude. “I’ll bring the car round.” I walk to the garage counting the notes in my hand, then pocket them in my denims.
His engine purrs the sweetest sound as I bring her around to park in front of his grandson’s car. I climb out of the driver’s seat and hand over the keys. It’s always a pleasure to work on the classics. Reminds me of when Dad and I would fix up his old Jag.
“Great stuff. She’s sounding as good as new. Thanks a lot, Kane. Take care of yourself.”
I nod as they both get into their vehicles. I wonder where Vi went. Would she go back to her foster parents or have I have pushed her into the lion’s den?
In my quest to protect her from the truth, I failed at protecting her from them. If I’d been honest from the start and explained why, she might still be here with me, but I made a promise to her mum to never speak of it. It’s one thing to know I murdered her father, but the reason behind it is much worse.
“Hey, do me a favour, kid. Look out for her, will you?”
He nods and drives off down the path. I don’t know if he’ll ever see her again, but I’d sooner have her hanging out with the likes of him over the Bennetts.
Belle sits at my side as I watch them drive down the dirt road. I stroke her ears, the action somewhat soothing. I pull a cigarette from behind my ear and find the lighter in my pocket. The smoke burns the back of my throat as I inhale, then let it out through my nostrils as if breathing fire.
The smoke tendrils curl into the red light of the setting sun, like flames licking the fields, swallowing everything it touches. I wait to be taken and swallowed into the night. Lighting another cigarette, I wait in the hopes she will return or that God himself will strike me down. Anything is better than this torment.
I lean back against the brick wall of the house. My phone in my pocket digs into my ass, taunting me to check the tracking app for her whereabouts. No good will come of looking right now. If it shows her on the Bennett’s property, I’m not sure I could stop myself from going over there.
The family waited years for me to step outta line. With a restraining order, all it would take is me going over there to land myself back in the slammer, or worse. They could shoot me on sight with their hunting rifles and claim self defence. That’s been their plan all along. It’s the reason they taunt me every time I see them. It’s the reason they clung to Vi.
